CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ
VOL. 5, NOS. 3 & 4
What is evil?
QUESTION: The question I have revolves around the line, "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil," from the Lord's Prayer. I'd like to have a better understanding of evil -- what it is, why we're to be delivered from it, and if it exists at all?
ANSWER. Put very simply: Evil is simply ignorance, acted upon as though it were truth. Don't you deserve to be delivered from that? As I indicated earlier, if one is going to gain freedom from the tyranny of ignorance, one must arrive at a point of desiring to be free of it. One must have arrived at a point of desiring enlightenment.
So, it is natural for that statement to be included in the prayer, because if the prayer is being said from the heart then one is desiring to be led not into temptation, but to be delivered from the effects of ignorance. It is the desire to get beyond ignorance and its effects that constitutes the beginning of Vision. It is what constitutes moving to the threshold of enlightenment. Again: It is the desire, felt within you, that constitutes moving to the threshold of enlightenment, of clarification that replaces the ignorance.
Do not make more out of evil than it is -- ignorance, acted upon as though it were truth. It is not a power. It is not a presence. It is the absence of Knowing.
Now, whenever you hear the word "Knowing," or whenever you hear the word "enlightenment," you spontaneously think of new and stimulating words to tickle your intellectual fancy and provide yourself with a "spiritual high" that is invigorating and exciting. I am going to redirect your attention.
Knowing is wordless, thoughtless. You simply find that you Know something quite specific, which then you have to put into words to share with someone else. In fact, when it happens, you realize how laborious words are, because it takes so much longer to truly express what you Know than the Knowing took.
Knowing is something that you also feel. If you understand that what you are looking for is closely akin to feeling, you will open yourself up to enlightenment in an entirely different way, and it will be a way that you cannot bring your ego into nearly as well. And the further away your ego sense is from your listening process, the better off you are.
If you want to get beyond ignorance, you must become quiet enough to feel, to pay attention to what you are experiencing in that quietness. Feeling, as I use the word, is Soul sensing Reality. There is nothing intellectual about it. It is deeply felt. And that is why it is so clear to you when you experience your Knowing. It is unequivocally true. You tend to call it a religious experience because it has such great meaning. But, you also tend to equate the Meaningfulness of Life with religious experience, and thus you do not open up to experiencing, for example, the Meaning of a pound of ground round, or the Meaning of a pair of shoes, or, as in Paul's case, the Meaning of humidity. And I am obviously speaking of the Meaning beyond the meaning Paul is giving it, or the meaning that any of you give to the things you experience -- not a Meaning separate and apart from the thing as you experience it, but a greatly enhanced Meaning that does not have the polarities that your present definitions give it.
So, when I have described Love as the recognition of that which is Real in each and every thing, I am speaking of letting in the experience of the Meaning, because each thing is an expression of Meaning, "in the Mind of God." The Meaning will be felt and Known, and then you will use words to share it. Those who have experienced the Meaning will hear what you are saying, even if you do not put it well, and communication will become much more rapid.
As long as you are moving out of a state of ignorance, you must employ a desire to get beyond it, to be delivered from it, else you will remain satisfied with dissatisfaction, with frustration, thinking that this is fate, that "this is the way it is, and why fight it." But, the experience is not a manifestation of your Integrity, and you deserve more. It is your birthright to experience the Truth.
I didn't say "think" the Truth or "talk" the truth. I said experience the Truth, feel It, right down to the tips of your toes -- not with emotion, but with Soul.
Again: Do not make a lot of out of "evil." It is not such a big thing, and it most certainly is not a power. You deserve to be moved out of ignorance into Knowing, clarity, and the expression of the desire to get beyond ignorance is the key factor that will move you out of it.
QUESTION: I have a question about God/Soul. In other workshops, you have referred to certain individuals as being whole-souled individuals. In working with children in Sunday school classes whenever the subject of Soul has come up, I have felt at a loss and have skirted the subject, usually diverting it to discussion on Spirit. Would you please share with us, or give us an explanation of Soul?
RAJ: Life, Truth, Principle, Love, Soul, Spirit, and Mind constitute, for sake of expression in language, the seven primary aspects of what God is.
Soul is Mind's capacity to feel Itself. You could say that Soul is the "sensing organ" of the infinite Mind, the infinite intelligence that is the Father. Soul is the capacity to feel the Meaning of what God is. We could say that Soul is God's capacity to fully experience the Meaning of His Movement, of His Being.
Soul is spoken of as the equivalent of individuality -- one's presence -- which inhabits a body for a time and then leaves, and this is inaccurate. Because it is thought to be the essence of oneself, and because one identifies oneself with one's body, and therefore the gender of that body, the concept of being half of a soul has come into play. This is where the concept of soul-mates has grown from, so that it is as though there is a half a soul here looking for its other half over there somewhere.
When I have spoken of a whole-souled woman or a whole-souled individuality, or a whole-souled man, it has been to express the fact of the indivisibility of Soul; that one is therefore in full possession of his or her whole Soul. And that it is inappropriate to look for another half somewhere else.
In the process of Awakening one becomes open to and inviting of the full experience of what confronts him, the full experience of what Really confronts him. In the act of inviting the experience of the full Meaning of a thing, divinely speaking, one opens up his Soul, and thereby becomes the recipient of, consciously, the full Meaning of the presence of God that is expressed as another individual, or as a leaf, or as a rose, or a dew drop, or a pebble, or a clod of dirt, or of even man-made things like light bulbs.
Soul is your inherent capacity to feel the presence of God in each and every thing. It is Soul which beheld everything that God had made and acknowledged that "it was very good" -- or, as I have said before, that, "it was, verily, God." It was God's capacity to sense Himself truly in His infinite Self-expression that constituted the presence that has been called Soul. That acknowledgment that it was Himself and that it was good, constituted the Joy I spoke of earlier that is experienced as a result of consciously experiencing one's Integrity.
Joy and Love, the capacity to see beauty and respond to it, happiness, stability, equilibrium, immovable Presence without density, is what you begin to experience as you undefend your Soul, peel back the crust around It. It is what allows you to feel the Meaning and the depth and the breadth and the Wholeness of the presence of God as your presence, as the presence of All That Is.
That is what Soul is.
Jesus' Awakening Process
[The following questions and answers are from the Orlando, Florida Workshop, Weekend with Raj, held July 4-5, 1987.]
QUESTION: Raj, I asked earlier about your Awakening when you lived as Jesus. I think you had more to say on the subject at the time. If you could, I would like you to expand on that, and also what the intention was when you incarnated as Jesus -- kind of the overview is what I'm looking for.
RAJ: Why not get an overview of why I am working with you now? The intent was the same: to facilitate the Awakening of my brothers and sisters out of ignorance, out of the dream they are dreaming, because there is a readiness -- and there was a readiness. The means of doing it then are different from the means of doing it now, and it was a matter of being appropriate in the time.
Now, the fact is that as a child, my mother did not allow me to forget my divine origin -- and I do not mean by that "the immaculate conception." She did not let me forget my true Nature. It was indubitably clear to her because of the immaculate conception, and because of the humble clarity of her thought, and a great wisdom, which she had. But hearing it from her was not a whole lot more effective than your hearing it from me.
There came a point at which I had to consciously own it, and that is what I referred to as happening during the middle of my 29th year. Shall I say, I stopped resisting it. I said "uncle." I yielded ... to Me! I stopped being reluctant to be What I Am.
I did not come into this "earth experience" totally enlightened. I certainly did not come in as "endarkened" as most, but nevertheless, I did have the same issues to deal with that you do, from one end of the spectrum to the other.
What else would you like to know?
QUESTION: What helped you most in overcoming those same things that we deal with, to allow you to let go of them to know who you were?
ANSWER. Probably paying attention to my deepest feelings, in spite of the distractions. There really was no "probably" about it. It was that. Honoring and valuing your deep feelings, even though they do not correlate with what your brothers are doing, will be your salvation.
You think that life is more complex at this time, and that it must have been much simpler 2000 years ago to get in touch with one's divinity, to have the time. But I will tell you, jealousy is jealousy, and rivalry is rivalry, and petty differences are petty differences, no matter how complex they seem to be, no matter how simple they seem to be, and they engage the ego equally. And one does have to make a decision, whether one is going to go along with the crowd and be the puppet of everyone else's expectations, or whether one is going to honor himself. And it is not any harder to do it now than it was then.
You have deep inner feelings -- every single one of you. But because they seem to be so incongruent with "the world" and the general attitude, you override them in favor of not being an oddball. If you don't think I was an oddball, you don't understand. They don't crucify those who are conforming.
Now, crucifixion is not the mode today. The methods with which the ego works are much more subtle. And the ego, for the most part, functions within you as an individuality, simply because, from the ego's vantage point, individualism is much sought after. So, the place where you get hooked is within yourself when it comes to the yielding -- the yielding, the saying "uncle," and owning Who You Are; honoring your deepest feelings.
It happens, at this point [in time], that the deepest feelings that are available to you are the feelings of love, not self-preservation. There was a time when the deepest feelings were feelings of self-preservation. So, when you dare to get in touch with your deepest feelings now, you will be allowing love to emerge, the demand for respect, the demand for honoring each other, the demand for honoring your Self and yielding to your Self, the insistence upon cutting through the ego presentations that others give you so that you may recognize that underneath that presentation is a sleeping Christ, but a Christ nevertheless. And that recognition, that expression of love, is what will be transformational.
It's up to you now. Each one of you must dare to be the Christ. It is What You Are. That means, in its most simple form, one who loves unconditionally, defenselessly, one who is willing to acknowledge the equality and the divinity and the worth or value of every single one on your planet, including those who seem to be the most unlovable. And do not think for a moment that your acknowledgment that "underneath the mask of Kadhafi is the Christ" will not have its healing effect!
Those who appear to be tyrannical and dictatorial are those whose role is elicited by the fear others have because they are refusing to look beneath the surface, and thereby are strengthening what is being presented on the surface. But, one whose Worth is being acknowledged cannot help but soften and succumb to that recognition of Worth, and relax enough to show his or her divinity.
You cannot govern what anyone else does, but you can choose to feel your deepest feelings and honor them, and insist upon seeing out from and acting out from them.
No matter how much you might learn about me, or about my life, as you are aware of it, that which will have the most meaning is your getting acquainted with the "stranger within thy gates." Then you will begin to have the capacity to know me, because I am just like you, divinely speaking, truly speaking.
[The following question and answer are from the Issaquah, Washington Workshop, Weekend with Raj, held April 9-10, 1988.]
QUESTION: Raj, how did you manage to find your freedom at age 30?
RAJ: You must understand that I had a head start. Contrary to what is becoming generally accepted Christian theology, the Virgin birth was a fact. As a result, there was not as much "forgetting" involved, for me, in the process of incarnating -- or in the process of birth. Also, I did not come into this experience as a part of a repetitive cycle of incarnating. In other words, I did not come into the three-dimensional-only frame of reference from a three-dimensional-only frame of reference. So, there was more clarity present with me at birth than is present with those who are caught in the cycle of birth and death.
Then, I had the good fortune to have a mother who was aware of my divine origin, who did not let me forget it -- in other words, who confronted me with my divinity. So, I was not presented with beliefs about my humanhood that I later would have to release, undo.
As a result of all of this, the movement in me of the Father, the movement in me of my Being, was not successfully overshadowed by belief structures, and so, as I indicated earlier, the motivation was not covered up because I was not as defended against it. I was not as preoccupied by an ego sense, although I was not totally free of an ego sense. But the movement of my Being was stronger, more noticeable in me, and felt more like me than the ego sense. It was, therefore, easier to "go with" than you find it to be.
Yet, I did have to let go of the ego sense, just as you are having to. It was as enticing for me as it is for you, the ego was. It used its full bag of tricks on me, just as it does with you.
The most significant difference, in practical daily terms, was that I was confronted with my divinity by what you would call "a significant other" -- my mother. I would advise every mother and every father to not underestimate the importance of conveying to your children that they are divine -- that underneath everything, they are the flawless expression of the Father -- and to encourage in them, if not an appreciation of this fact, at least an awareness of this fact, so that whether they pick up on it or not while they are under your care, the idea, itself, is not foreign to them when the time comes that they are feeling the need for being able to justify a better level of self-appreciation in their life.
Each of you is aware of how devastating it can be, to one degree or another, when you are confronted with the idea that you are just a "human being," a struggling, pitiful entity, striving against unmerciful odds, [finding) very little to [justify] hope, except whatever degree of will one may be able to bring to bear in order to cope with life. You do not want to pass this legacy on, because it isn't a true legacy. And it does not matter whether you have been passing this legacy on so far.
If you are beginning to recognize and accept that there is fundamental divinity to your Being, begin to convey your awareness whether it is received or not. It will register. You are not there to convince them. But the exposure to the idea will serve its divine purpose, and because you are a "significant other" to your children, whether they are enjoying you or not, the fact that you have arrived at a point where that is a reasonable idea will support their arriving at a point where it can be reasonable to them, whether it is today or three years from now or ten years from now.
At some point, each of you must do what I did. You must dare to lean into, trust into your essential divinity, which emerges as an awareness within you, which emerges as a desire for Home -- whatever that means.
There is in each of you an innate desire to experience peace and harmony and beauty and joy. And your ego tells you that this is all unreasonable. It tells you that to expect to experience these things without earning them is unreasonable, that they cannot possibly be your simple birthright. Yet, something in you tells you that it is your birthright -- and that is a perception of Truth!
You must yield into it, lean into it, let it support you to whatever degree you can, no matter how unreasonable it seems. And the greater your investment of your faith in your Self or your Being, the greater will be your experience of harmony, and the easier it will be to no longer validate the ego sense.
The reason it seems so difficult to wake up is because the sense of separation is so complete that you think there isn't anything essentially divine about you, and you do not have, shall I say, the language or even the concepts of divinity with which to support your investment of trust into your divinity. As a result, in one way or another, you go through life living the idea that you are unworthy to eat the crumbs that fall from the table of God. And you hold yourself emphatically in that position of unworthiness! And, you do it right in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven.
You do it as the Christ. Not consciously as the Christ, but you cannot stop being what you divinely Are. You cannot stop being what the Father is expressing of Himself/Herself. So, you are expressing insanity. Your psychiatrists say that if you believe you are the Christ, you are insane. But the fact is that to believe that you are not the Christ is the insanity.
Now, because you cannot stop being what you divinely Are, because you cannot actually become something different, then everything about What you Are is geared toward your conscious experience of What you Are. And therefore, whether or not you have had the support of parents acknowledging your divinity, the moment you begin to really embrace the idea of your divinity, you could say that there is a rush of your Being in support of that act of faith, that investment of trust in your essential divinity. That support helps move you, and you do not have to assume that it will take years and years and years and years for you to throw off that which you have on which you need the least.
It is as though the "engines of your Being" are revved and running, anxious for you to put your Self into gear, to take you into the fuller experience of what you Are. So, the odds are not stacked against you, just because you are more than 30 years old and did not have the support I did. The support of your Being will well up in you the moment you stop denying your divinity, and the moment you begin to embrace it as though it were not just a wonderful metaphysical idea, but the actual truth about you, right as you sit there. Right now.
You have the experience of asking for help, but I will tell you, very seldom do you really listen for the answer. You ask for help, "knowing" that it is unreasonable to expect to actually get it. Yet, you know you have the need and you have to ask!
You must let the answer in. You must let your divinity in. You must dare to believe that it is Actual -- that it is not something you are working toward and earning, but the Actual state of your Being at this moment. The presence of You is the presence of Love, and the presence of Love melts all resistance if It is halfway embraced. Waking up isn't hard to do. Staying asleep is.
I am passing on the favor that my mother gave me, to you -- letting you know who you Are so that you may dare to believe it and be open to the transformational experience of waking up, without being afraid that it will call for you to be something that you might not be able to live up to.
You don't want to feel humility because you don't realize that it means being simple and genuine. "If the meek shall inherit the earth, there's going to be an awful lot of gardening to do," and you're not sure you want all that work, and so it may be a little bit dangerous to be meek! It might bring responsibility that you don't want to have. But, humility, because it means simple genuineness, simple congruence with Who You Are, means being free of the labor that you associate with life. It means something so natural that it is effortless.
You think of Christliness and Christ-hood and divinity in an unreal way. There is some concern because I use the words "turd," or "shit" at times, because that is not indicative of your concept of the Christ. Your concept of Christ-hood does not allow for relevancy to life, whether it is life in the dream or life Awake. You think of it as something unnatural, and in thinking of it as something unnatural, you put yourself in the position of demeaning everything natural to you at the moment.
The divinity of everything that is going on at the moment cannot possibly be discerned, because it must be something very different from "this." So, you don't let yourself enjoy your sexuality, and you don't let yourself enjoy dancing and you don't let yourself have fun, because there is the belief that it probably is a distraction from your waking up, from your spirituality.
You are closest to your experience of your divinity when all of the layers of assumptions and beliefs and concepts have been peeled away, and you are existing in a state of hopelessness because you do not have the masks to cover you. You do not have the masks that have helped you define yourself as "something," when at the very core of you, you have felt like nothing.
When you are feeling hopeless, you are in the middle of humility, but you are not recognizing it for what it is. And the reason there is so much enlightenment and breakthrough that occurs in the middle of hopelessness -- when you have arrived at the bottom of the barrel -- is because there is very little pretense to you.
You see, the bottom of the barrel is the boundary, on the other side of which is your Christ-hood. So, the bottom of the barrel is an indicator of what is on the other side. And the one who, in his extremity, gives up the ego, gives up the facade, and says, "I can't do any more," and stops trying to do any more, is the one who lets himself through the boundary and experiences the influx of his Being, and becomes a light in the world.
All of the layers that get peeled off, that constitute the process of failing from the ego's standpoint, are the peeling away of investment of energy and effort in that which is not essential and only serves to cover up What You Are. All of the work ethic -- of Awakening or of any aspect of life that is brought into play to give yourself value -- is unnecessary expenditure of effort. But, because that is what you are used to, you assume that the process of waking up is also work, and that being Awake is also work.
In your failure to be a successful ego, and the peeling off of all that you worked so hard for, you arrive at a point of letting go, because you just can't hold onto the facade any longer. And enlightenment and "fill-fulling" occurs, and you experience yourself new, and your life is transformed -- not because you expended energy, but because you gave up on expending energy. That's how natural and effortless it is. And that is how you survive! That is the survival "technique."
You survive in your divinity by failing in your ego sense of yourself. And if you value your ego sense, you create for yourself difficulty, stress, strain, conflict.
Now, I am saying that each one of you is destined to wake up, just as I did. Although you may have incarnated with two parents, you and I nevertheless, have the identical Source -- the Father. We are, therefore, you might say, full brothers and sisters in Fact.
When brothers and sisters lookup to each other and down to each other, instead of across at each other, problems are in store. Jealousy, sense of inferiority, inequality, all come into play. Unfortunately, the Church has promoted the idea that there is something essentially different between you and me. "My source was better than your source." And you can only hope that through the grace of God, you might be raised to some status of divinity -- but, of course, it could never be equal to mine. That's as much a part of the dream as what you are experiencing in the rest of your life, ignorant of your divinity.
We are, and we always have been equals. And whether you had two parents or not in the process of incarnating, you are at this moment as divine as I am, and it is essential for you to begin to at least embrace that idea so that jealousy and inferiority cannot come into play. I am not the favored son. Every single one of the Brotherhood of Man is the "favored one," because each one is the full representation of the Father, from whom the Father has withheld nothing of what He is. The only greatness each of us has, is the presence of the Father in us. That is what makes us Meaningful.
So, my mother shared with me the truth about me. And as a brother, I share with you the truth about you, so that if you have forgotten, it will be easier to remember. And if you have begun to remember, it will be easier to believe, and love yourself for the right reasons, and love each other for the right reasons. And, you know what? It doesn't matter who does it first, and it doesn't matter who does it last. It just matters that we do it -- waking up.
The Doughnut or the Hole
[The following questions and answers are from a private conversation with Raj.]
QUESTION: I find myself in a kind of a tough-feeling place, and from my perception here, what appears to be going on is sort of a significant collapse of my endeavors to establish a spiritual growth Center. Also, on a physical level, it seems like I'm almost falling apart. I feel like you and I somehow haven't communicated, because either I didn't hear, or the whole process of using your level of guidance to try to deal with the level of form here on this planet doesn't seem to work.
I'm left feeling in limbo, like those signs or manifestations of being "in the flow" and "on target," at a physical level are not taking place. On a spiritual level, you do not appear to me in a way I can consciously realize, nor does my Guide. I don't mean to be making a victim of myself, here, but it's kind of a very dark place. That's just a statement of what it looks like from here. My request is simply for counsel.
ANSWER. First of all, you must understand that there is no degree of reality to illusions. There are not some that are more real than others. And therefore there is not some guilt that is more valid than other guilts. No matter how big the ego projects the illusion to be, it still amounts to zero, and you still stand at the threshold of fulfillment. You still stand in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven.
Understand that the ego projects the illusion of hell -- or something other than, or not the same as, the Kingdom of Heaven -- right in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven. And no matter how magnificent or horrible the distorted illusion, it is a distortion of, or a misperception of the Kingdom of Heaven, or Reality, which is the only thing going on, and therefore is the only thing available to be distorted -- if I may put it that way. Therefore, you must not take this appearance seriously, nor must you find yourself to be at fault for the details of the illusion.
You still stand there flawlessly, perfectly, and you must therefore acknowledge your flawless perfection rather than hooking into and validating the ego's suggestion that you have not listened well, that you have erred, that you have therefore defied the divine presence. It, the ego, is defying it, but you are not. And you must make this distinction between the ego and your Self so that you may hold yourself distinctly clear from any sense of guilt.
Now, you are faced with the opportunity to choose to look at the doughnut or the hole, here. And in spite of what the ego is suggesting, and the reasoning that accompanies those ego suggestions, you are standing at the threshold of enlightenment, of success, of the conscious experience of fulfillment. If you pay attention to the ego, you will withdraw your attention from the manifestation of the fulfillment. You will decide that it isn't there and there is no point in being alert for it. You will imagine that the lights in the Vision you have had have gone out. And so you will ultimately make a choice for what you are going to believe and what you are going to give your attention to.
Your desire is to stay with the Vision, because the Vision came not from an ego level, but from a deep inner awareness of what was appropriate and what constituted being on track for you. I encourage you to continue to pay attention to this and not to succumb to the ego's suggestion that it was a futile thing and a useless thing to have paid attention to and to have attempted to facilitate.
I want you to understand that this is no different from a situation of physical health where you might see someone whose body is riddled with cancer, where the overwhelming evidence says, "It is hopeless. This person is unavoidably going to die." You cannot afford to yield to that belief, no matter what the image appears to be, because the fundamental divinity of that individual, and the fundamental fact that the Intent or Purpose his body has for existing, is to identify the Individuality of that person perfectly. That fact must be held to because recognizing that causes you to be congruent with, in harmony with, the truth, and that is what allows for the truth to come forth more clearly, and for the overwhelming evidence of illusion to dissolve and be apparently replaced with perfect health.
"But," you say, "the money is running out." And I say, "But, the idea, the Vision, includes within itself everything necessary to its fulfillment." And that is what you must keep your mind set on. That is what you must keep your eyes on, so to speak, so that you may continue to be alert and observant to see just how the Vision is going to manifest its fulfillment without it resting on your shoulders personally.
There will be reconfiguration of form, but do understand, as I said, that the Vision, which unfolded to you, includes within itself everything necessary for its fulfillment. Withdraw your interest and your attention from the Vision and the potential in your experience will fade. You must make a choice between the ego suggestion of futility and the deep awareness within you that there is something of Value and Meaning in this Vision, and then make a choice not to be distracted from the Vision and the observing of its self-unfolding.
And then let there be a delighted curiosity to see how it is going to manifest itself perfectly.
Now, you are not at fault here. There is no one at fault here, except, you might say, the ego, which is suggesting the futility of trust and hope in the fundamental way that Purpose fulfills Itself.
QUESTION: I did some work with a fellow in New York, which felt very deep to me. In the high energy state that we were working, he made an observation to the effect that my vision for a Center actually was almost a distraction from a more urgent purpose of my Soul, or my Soul-contract, to have a wife and family experience. I'm wondering if that's correct, and I'm wondering which one is distracting from which?
RAJ: It is extremely important not to create the sense of division. The moment you have division, you have, because of the activity on either side of the line of division, what could be interpreted as competition, which is another way of describing "distraction."
You must understand that before a line of division is placed, there is an uninterrupted field of Life, of energy, of movement -- of Creation, Itself, unfolding. So, when this artificial line of division is placed on this unbroken field, you will indeed have the continuing movement of Life occurring on both sides. And one will not be negative and the other positive, even though they will seem to butt up against each other like two goats, or two Ramshorn Sheep butting up against each other, expressing the idea of contest when, in Actuality, it is an expression of joy and fun and play. This gives the ego fertile ground for suggesting that the undivided energy of God, of the Father, of the creative Life-Force is actually polarized, attempting to do the other side in.
Now, there is absolutely no need to think that the vision of the Center and the purpose of the Center can exist as a distraction from, or something in competition with your own development, your own life, your own relationships, your own family. That, of course, is a way it could be interpreted, but it does not make it correct. So, I encourage you to keep the field undivided and unbroken, so that you may have the opportunity to find the unity and the harmony of all of the aspects. That is indeed the wise approach, because it is congruent with truth.
QUESTION: My work with this man also indicated that not far below what is being presented in my consciousness as confusion about my path, vision, what to do next, is a real deep rage. And that feels correct to me. I have two questions around that. One is whether you have any counsel on how to deal with that rage and how to heal it. And the other question is: It feels like there is a disparity between the "discovery" of that underlying deep rage and your prior conversations with me in which it seemed to me that you were saying I was coming from a very centered place.
RAJ: First of all, in response to something you said in the last question, the sense of conflict between your personal life and growth and happiness, and the "life" of the Center is, indeed, a concern or doubt going on at the intellectual, ego level, in you. So, in that sense the report was correct. It is a fear or concern of yours. But, it is necessary to understand the dynamics of that belief for what they are so that you can move beyond them into the unity that I have described, into the undivided compatibility and nourishing value of all aspects of your experience.
Now, the rage referred to is not a deep rage embedded in your psyche. It is just part of the dynamic of the ego. It is present in everyone, whether the word "rage" is applied to it or not. The image of the ego -- or the "devil," if you want to use that term -- would be a tiny figure emblazoned in fiery red color, raising its fist menacingly at the heavens, or in the face of God, saying, "I can exist separate from you. I do exist in my own right!" So, it is important for you not to identify this term "rage" with you personally, but rather as an inevitable or inherent part of the presence of the ego sense, because it does constitute a denial, an active denial of God, an active denial of the presence of the Kingdom of Heaven. But, it is not your personal possession. It is not part of You. And you certainly do not do your growing or development from the level of the ego.
So, when I have referred to your development, it is based upon your unfoldment, your expansion at a conscious level from your center -- from what you divinely Are. It is very much like your asking me, "How do you like this new shirt I'm wearing?" which happens to be an atrocious mismatch of colors and of awkward and unappealing construction, and wondering how you're doing. You, underneath this atrocious garment, are doing fine. The garment doesn't say anything about you. So, in answering your questions, I have been responding from that which is "underneath" and unaffected by any garment that is temporarily being worn.
This man's "report" had to do with the "garment," and not with you. And if you make this distinction, you will be able to look objectively and impersonally at the ego's activities without owning them as yours. And you will be able to keep clear the fact that what is yours is what is derived from the Father, and that what is derived from the Father is what defines You. So, I am not challenging in any way what this man has said, but it is important for you to understand that his references are to the ego, and that you are not your ego -- or, your ego is not what defines you. If you think it does, if you entertain the belief that it does, you seem to cut yourself off from the Resource that would prove to you that the ego is not you, and therefore that there is no guilt and there is no punishment, and that you cannot be in a position of frustration that would engender rage. In this clarity it becomes easy to release whatever "raging insanity" the ego is attempting to foist off on you as your identity.
QUESTION: What I hear is that your counsel on how I'm doing actually transcends all of this ego experience in form, and consequently, while true in that ultimate transcendent manner, may not be particularly useful in terms of dealing with specific issues to work on at the level of form. Is that correct?
RAJ: That is not correct. Everything that I am saying is, of course, reflecting back to you what is absolutely or ultimately true of you -- even true of you in the most Primitive sense. But it is always expressed in a way that is specifically relevant to where you currently find yourself, because if I cannot make it relevant to where you are, you do not have a stepping-stone from which to step into a clearer actual experience of your divinity. So, it is always pertinent to where you are, else our conversation is useless. So, what I say is always calculated to allow you, at the very moment we are talking, to step off of whatever threshold of limitation you are standing on into a clearer, more unlimited experience of yourself right where you are, and relative to your world.
I do nothing useless. And therefore, if we are speaking, something useful is happening. And "useful" means relative to where you are, and relative to your experience of insight, enlightenment, clarification, that causes "where you are" to be seen more clearly and with greater harmony, peace, and joy. So, let that be very clear, else you are likely to assume that what I am saying may be valuable in another place and at another time. And as a result of that assumption or belief, you will simply not look for or be alert to the clarification and enlightenment and improvement right as we are speaking, or right in the place and time that you currently find yourself.
Again: if you assume that it is not there, you will not see it, because your assumption will constitute a block to your even putting forth the energy to see the Kingdom of Heaven right now, right where you are, in a clearer way.
The absolute truth about you is true about you at this moment, and the kingdom of Heaven, which is seen as the ultimate experience is what you are in the middle of at this moment. And everything I do is geared to your immediate, clearer perception of it.
Do not think in terms of how many lifetimes it will take to get to the point I am describing you from, because I am describing you from the Reality of You which is absolutely present at this moment and does not take lifetimes to get to. All it takes is the curiosity to see it now because it is present now, and the "letting go of" the inner assurance that it isn't present now, which causes you not to be curious to see it, and therefore you overlook it.
QUESTION: That raises another paradox for me. Once again it feels like what we have discussed as manifestations in terms of the development of the Center, my prospective family life, and my physical health as primary issues, all seem not to have occurred. Simultaneously with that, notwithstanding what feels to me like an open and sincere request for you or my Guide to appear to me that is continuous and reliable -- that isn't happening either. So, I don't know what to do with that. Am I blocking?
RAJ: The block is your conditioning relative to achievement. It is believed that achievement is the manifestation of being on the right track, and if effort is put forth and achievement does not come, that one must be practical and wise and withdraw his efforts in that direction. This allows the manifestation of achievement to govern what one's Vision ought to be. In other words, the absence of an end result justifies the withdrawal of motivation and commitment, and it is a matter of putting the cart before the horse.
The simple fact is that you must pay attention to the deep awareness of what truth is that comes to you, and make a commitment to it because deep within you it is true, it is congruent, it is an expression of divine unity. And therefore doubt does not have any place in it. And the commitment must not be made on the basis of the achievement or the manifestation. If achievement or the absence of achievement is the governing factor, then that is where a significant part of one's attention is going to be, and that means that that attention, that energy, is not available for the commitment.
That energy is being held aside to judge whether or not the degree of commitment that has been made is a valid and useful commitment. So, you carry along with you the option to get out of the commitment, which undermines the commitment.
If you marry, but you hold in your mind the option to get out if things do not go well, you do not bring your total commitment, and you do not bring your total love, you do not bring your total unconditionality, which is what is needed in order for the manifestation of fulfillment to be experienced fully, to come into full expression.
If you carry along with you a part of you which is standing in judgment, so that you may know whether to remain committed, you are not bringing along with you the resolve necessary to get past the ego's suggestion of a limit. And you will sooner or later be called upon to make a decision, which will mean yielding to the illusion -- [giving up, in other words] -- or yielding to Reality.
Because you are coming from an ego level in this process of Awakening, the yielding to Reality will never be justifiable ahead of time, because what constitutes "justification" is what the ego believes is justifiable. And what the ego believes is justifiable will not allow you to move beyond its limits.
So, you see, the ambivalence, or the lack of specific manifestation is a result of having an "ace up your sleeve," holding the option to back out if you don't have the evidence in a reasonable amount of time. But, understand that although it seems to involve money and human situations and relationships, et cetera, at the bottom line it is a decision between continuing to function within what the ego calls a "justifiable frame of reference," or moving beyond it into the clearer experience of your Integrity within, which naturally you will find evidenced without because your eyes will be open.
Again: the commitment to truth that you feel, will be a commitment to something which the ego cannot comprehend the value of, or the justifiableness of. And the ego will say, "Let me see the results first!" But, you are going to have to let go of the results as a justification for the pursuit of your Awakening, and you are going to have to pursue it because something in you feels the congruency of it, feels the unity of it, feels the truth of it.
To wrap it up in a nutshell, what is happening here is a struggle, a contention between the ego's call for rational justification, and your deep motivation to wake up, which can't be justified ahead of time, because the justification for it cannot be embraced within the limits of the ego structures.
As you can see, it is not easy, because it can't be justified on the basis of anything other than a deep feeling, which cannot be explained in ego terms. And that is why you do have help available from the Holy Spirit, from your Guide, from me, from many quarters -- because it flies in the face of everything rational -- meaning what the ego can comprehend within its limitations.
I encourage you to listen to this answer many times and contemplate it. That does not mean argue with it. It does not mean turn it over like a morsel on your tongue so that you can glean everything from it. Simply be open with the ideas. Let them abide in your awareness, and let the meaning unfold itself further to you. It is fundamental to your Awakening. It is fundamental to your forward movement, because, I will tell you something: You will not be able to step across or close "the little gap" in a way that the ego will be able to justify. You will have to do it on what you would call faith. You will have to do it based upon a deep inner feeling of Home, or Congruency that cannot be intellectually justified.
The faith is the act of commitment to the Reality of You that you cannot comprehend the full meaning of before you make the commitment, but which will become fully apparent to you after the commitment is made. You must understand this dynamic of Awakening.
QUESTION: That leads me to a question about how that commitment is made, because I certainly don't feel any withdrawal on my part, and so my question is: You have encouraged me in the past to be more aggressive about my physical health. Should I just stay open, or should I be specific at the level of form?
RAJ: Let me put it this way. You are indeed open at that inner level. You simply need to withdraw energy from the fears, the doubts, that the ego suggests to you, that it is useless for you to do this. You need to go on a "diet" and discard from your menu the suggestions that the ego makes that create conflicts, that cause you to feel that in some way you are missing the mark, or that you are somehow incapable of hitting the mark, or that not hitting the mark is because of a past transgression or a Karmic debt, if you wish.
You see, you are not closed to the perception, or the reception of the clearer view of Reality. You are open. But, to the degree that you allow yourself to become burdened with ego suggestions of personal responsibility and of personal incapacity, you allow your attention to become divided, and you are less able to experience the fulfillment.
Understand that you have been listening to your ego all your life, in this lifetime. It is therefore something you are very comfortable with. It does not shock you for it to be present. Your guard does not spontaneously go up. So, it is very easy to slip into what is a long-standing habit of not objecting to its point of view. I explain that so you may understand and be compassionate with yourself, while at the same time being aware of what it takes to move beyond.
The fact that you need to move beyond it cannot stand as a justification for putting yourself down or being impatient with yourself. It is understandable that you will become sidetracked. So, you notice it when it happens, and you simply give your attention -- just as you do in meditation when you lose your mantra -- you give your attention again to that which you have an inner commitment to, which is your enlightenment, which is your experience of inner unity as opposed to inner conflict.
Now, it is important for you to understand what form is. It is divine, unless it is viewed through the ego's lenses, and then that which is divine seems to become undivine, seems to be distorted. That which is being viewed, and seen in a distorted way, is not altered in any way by the lenses through which one is looking at them, but one's experience does seem to be an actual one rather than a distorted one. So, it is important to know that it is the intent of your body to identify the presence of your Individuality perfectly, and therefore the intent of your body is a divine intent.
When you recognize this fact, then you will desire to experience that relative to your body. You will desire to experience the truth. So, there will seem to be involvement, there, with form. And that is essential, else you will begin to ignore form entirely and leave it in a vague limbo, as though it is outside the territory of the Father, outside of the territory of Reality. There will develop a subtle belief that the presence of the Father is not to be noticed or experienced in form. And that assumption, that It isn't there to be experienced, will constitute a subtle denial of the presence of God in form. And that, indeed, places you smack dab in the middle of what the ego is -- which is the denial of the Father.
So, it is appropriate for your desires to relate to your body, relate to your world, because that is what will constitute the curiosity, the interest, the desire to see the presence of God where It is present and available to be seen. You do not want to withdraw your attention from form. You simply do not want to become attached to form, or bound to form in the terms that the ego defines form -- which is a deluded sense of form.
[The following question and answer are from the Issaquah, Washington Workshop, Weekend with Raj, held April 9-10, 1988.]
QUESTION: Raj, what specific physical changes in our bodies will we experience in this coming time?
RAJ: When you say "in this coming time," I can only assume that you are meaning this time in the immediate future when the shift of consciousness is occurring which I have referred to in the past. And, of course, in this coming time, it will be the full gamut that I have already described, or as much of that as you will allow, as much of it as you will be open to and will not argue against.
We are talking about the uncovering of the only Body there is. Uncovering is another way of saying revealing. And the revelation of Reality right where you are is what has always been called "healing."
Now, if we are talking about the revealing of the only Body you have, it is going to begin by what you would call the healing of whatever current diseases you seem to be suffering from; a bringing of your body into a state of natural physical balance and efficiency, which will then be followed by what will be called the regeneration of lost limbs, lost organs through surgery, or parts of the body that were missing from birth, restoration of the five senses, fully. And the "removal" of blemishes, inaccuracies, you might say, or small distortions that are not considered to be diseases or indicators of dysfunction in the body.
Now, as some of these later steps are occurring, there will at the same time be this reconfiguring of the body in terms of proportions and physical balance of the various parts of the body to other parts of the body, so that the natural beauty of the movement of Creation will be visible and tangible and experienced. Mind you, all of this is constituted of the uncovering of the only Body that is present at all, right where the one that is distorted seems to be.
Why is the revelation going on? Because there is a change of perception. And why is there a change of perception? Because there is a decreased defense against Remembering Who and What you divinely Are. It is in that defenselessness that your perception of everything will change. And so, the changes I have been describing relative to the body are changes that are going to be experienced relative to all living forms. So, you will find the trees and the animals, and all living things, reflecting less and less decay, less and less disease, greater and greater symmetry, the expression of greater harmony of instinct, or of instinctive behavior.
As the body begins to lose its density -- in other words, as the darkness of it begins to give way to the Light that is its actual substance, you will find the same thing happening to your perception of the trees and the leaves and the grass and the animals and the buildings, et cetera. So, you see, it is not an isolated experience relative only to your body, because it is the density of everything that is going to yield, apparently, to its diviner form as individuals become less defended against experiencing its divinity -- the divinity of everything.
But, that Self-appraisal that acknowledges divinity to be its nature, and God to be its source, is going to have to occur, and is beginning to occur. As I indicated, the problem with AIDS is going to contribute to promoting that step of faith ... in what? In the essential divinity of conscious human individuality.
Everything will take on ineffable beauty. The Light of it, even as you begin to see it streaming from the edges of leaves, and the edges of objects -- the "edges" of your body, so to speak -- will constitute a glorious experience, because it won't just be visual. You will be seeing it, apparently with your eyes, because your mind is not defended against experiencing the divinity of everything -- the presence of God in everything. And the presence of God, which is the presence of the Meaning of You, feels like something. It feels like bliss. It is bliss. And so we are talking about a major change in the experience of life, and we are talking about a major change in the experience of life within the next twelve years -- not off in the future.
The beginnings of this change are already occurring. It is happening! And everybody has the opportunity to flow with it. Shall I say that the work has been accomplished of overcoming the resistance that has allowed century after century to go by without seeing any major change. The point of critical mass was reached in 1845, and since then you have seen the major wonders and developments that have occurred, both positive and negative. And this is going to continue at an increasing rate.
We started the day talking about survival. When most of you think of survival, you are really thinking about extinction, and how do you avoid extinction. But I am telling you, you are living in exciting times, and survival that you cannot avoid -- not extinction. But survival is going to mean transformation -- not because if you don't transform you won't make it, but transformation because there is a process of Awakening that is occurring. So, survival should be experienced as a word of great positive meaning.
When you take off the thing you need the least, and then take a look to see, if there is something else you need the least, what happens? You end up getting down to essentials. This means that you get down to being genuine -- unashamedly your Self. And this is a very important part of understanding the word "survival." Genuineness, unapologetic genuinely being You. Simplicity.
When people talk about getting down to the nitty gritty, it sounds terrible. But getting to the simplicity, getting down to the nitty gritty, means getting down to what really means something. It is actually very hard -- and each one of you is working with the expenditure of great energy -- to maintain yourself in an artificial, separated, ego sense of yourself. And that is why waking up is easy, because it is doing less. It is becoming simpler -- not more stupid! It means coming to that which is essential, and therefore not wasting energy on what is meaningless, and therefore experiencing life with more meaning, more fulfillment.
When you let go of what is not essential, you are no longer encumbered by it -- which means you are not affected by it, biased by it, coerced by it, limited by it in any way. Taking off the thing you need the least is a matter of revealing what is essentially true about you. And what is essentially true about you is absolutely true about every other one, and every other thing. So, as you take off these layers of sheets, of beliefs that are unnecessary, you put yourself in the position of experiencing your body as constantly improving, even though what is actually happening is that the distorted sense of it is slipping away and revealing the divine Body which you have forever had with you, which is present with you now, and is the only actual thing about you, visibly and tangibly speaking.
This is not pie-in-the-sky philosophy or dreaming. It is not the basis for false hopes. It is the basis for having confidence in What you Are, so that you can dare to challenge what are beliefs about What you Are, allowing you to become disenchanted with them and thereby being able to lean into your essential divinity and pay enough attention to it, so that it has a fair chance of registering with you consciously.
You asked a big question.
QUESTION: Thank you for more than I bargained for.
Conversations with Raj is made up of actual questions and answers drawn, with permission, from private conversations with Raj and public Workshops. Rajpur, an Ascended Master, is an Individuality making himself known by means of conscious channeling through Paul Norman Tuttle for the purpose of facilitating the major shift of consciousness which mankind is entering into.
Conversations with Raj is published monthly by ESTAR Foundation, 1221 Toledo St., Bellingham, WA 98226. Phone: 206-734-4418. Subscription price, prepaid, one year $36.00; single copy $3.00. Copyright Ó 1988by ESTAR Foundation. All rights reserved.