CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ
VOL. 4, NO. 9
[The following questions and answers are from private conversations with Raj.]
QUESTION: I need to know what the specific blockage or belief is that is preventing me from consciously accepting and experiencing my Fourth-dimensional Being.
RAJ: To home you in on the specific thing that will be most helpful for you: It is the gathering of data from the five physical senses. What I mean by that is that there needs to be a more consistent desire to gather the Meaning of everything that you see, hear, taste, smell, or feel, not so much from the eyes, ears, nose, et cetera, as from a place of inner perception.
Now, you [as an artist/sculptor] have the ability to get beyond surfaces, beyond appearances. But, at the same time, you deal with appearances in your creative application of the inner vision you have. So, there is a fine line for you that others do not experience quite as distinctly. And the necessity is for you to value the sensing of the Meaning of a thing more than you do the re-expression of it in form, or the form, itself, as it exists in the world for you to observe.
The needed thing is for you to go through your day with the conscious intent to gather the data about everything in your world from a deep awareness, from an inner place, wherein you are free of preconceptions, or where there is not the inclination to make an overlay of preconceptions. What you are interested in is experiencing the fundamental, and therefore ultimate, divinity of all that appears, of all that you experience. So, part of what will help you get past your conditioned responses will be this added bit of focus: that you are desirous of experiencing the divinity -- the divine Actuality -- of what you are observing or feeling or tasting or smelling, et cetera. This will help promote moving well beyond any current preconceptions or conditionings.
As I say, this is especially important for you, since so much of your activity or work does involve a preoccupation with form, even though you deal with form, generally, as an expression of Meaning. Even when you are in the process of creating new forms, I encourage you to be aware of the underlying divinity of that form as it takes shape. This will help you be free of the sense of being personally responsible for the form, even though you will be inseparable from it, and it will help you to home in on the divine intent which is emerging, apparently, at the ends of your fingers.
In other words, at all points, whether you are observing it as apparently already created, or whether you are observing it as it seems to be being created, you want to be experiencing the divinity of it, the Meaning it has in its divine context.
Now, I do not mean for this to seem complicated. The first lesson in A Course in Miracles says, "Nothing I see…means anything." If you take that as the basis or framework for all observations, you will have aligned yourself with the opportunity to experience the Meaning a thing truly has, rather than the meanings your conditioning assigns to it. That is the intent of the first lesson, and it does, indeed, describe what I have been telling you now in response to your question.
QUESTION: I sort of felt that your answer would be in regard to three-dimensional relationships that I seem to got into. It's something I have mixed feelings about. Maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills here. The feeling is that if I'm in a three-dimensional intimate relationship with a woman, that I won't be able to accomplish or achieve a Fourth-dimensional relationship with my Self. It's like if I desire one, I won't be able to have the other, or that a three-dimensional relationship will certainly distract me.
RAJ: The problem here is that you are making an arbitrary exclusiveness to the third-dimensional frame of reference and the Fourth-dimensional conscious experience of Being. The first three dimensions are embraced within the Fourth dimension. They are not mutually exclusive or separable in any way. So, it is -- from where you are coming from -- going to be the exaltation of a three-dimensional relationship into its Fourth-dimensionaal Actuality that is going to happen. You must start where you are and not demean what is in front of you simply because you are not experiencing it from the full four-dimensional vantage point.
What you are experiencing is truly three-fourths of the Reality of the situation, and therefore it is valid even though it is being experienced without full comprehension. So, you must value what you have, because it is going to be part of the total picture, if I may put it that way. Having a three-dimensional relationship is nothing to sneeze at, because it is not an illusion. It is an incomplete experience of what relationships truly are, but it is not, in itself, totally illusory. It is part and parcel of the whole.
When you look at a three-dimensional object, you are looking at a Fourth-dimensional object, minus the full view of that additional dimension. Everything that is going on has a valid place in Reality. The fact that it is being observed partially does not mean that what is being observed is an illusion. It is real. But, the way in which it is being perceived is faulty. So, you value what is in front of you, because that is what is going to give way to or apparently be transformed into what it is in its Actuality as the distortion drops from your means of perceiving it.
So, there is no way for a three-dimensional relationship to get in the way of a Fourth-dimensional relationship. It is part of it. What is getting in the way is the limited perception of it, and you are not going to arrive at the true perception of it by turning away from it and looking at something else! It is as you begin to value relationships, or things, or objects, for their essential divinity, and there is a desire to experience them more truly for what they really are, that your eyes will begin to open.
You could just as easily ask whether or not becoming preoccupied with a physical object of art might not be getting in the way of experiencing true art. Or that your preoccupation with the thing you are attempting to reproduce in another medium might, itself, be preoccupying you from your spiritual awareness of Reality. And the answer has to be no, unless you are choosing to say, indeed, "This that I am seeing and the way I am seeing it is all there is to reality. There is nothing further for me to see. There is nothing more to be discerned. This is it." That decision, that conclusion, will block you from moving further. But, the thing about which the decision has been made, will not, itself, block you from clearer, truer perception.
QUESTION: I guess what I was thinking about was that the focusing of energy and attention on relationships takes away from focus on something that is more important.
RAJ: You can, of course, sit down and close your eyes in meditation and prayer, and devote yourself to spiritual ideas and revelation. But, if you never open your eyes up to observe Reality where you are, then you have simply climbed into a tomb of darkness, full of etheric, intangible spiritual thoughts and ideas. Where you want to experience those truths is right in the tree outside your house, and right in the individual with whom you are having a relationship, and right where you are as an individual with your eyes wide open!
You do not escape into Reality out of the world. You allow the Reality that constitutes the world to emerge in Its Wholeness, so that there is no distortion to your perception of It.
QUESTION: I think I understand what you're saying.
RAJ: This is why relationships are so important. And I do encourage you to broaden your definition of relationships because three-dimensionally speaking everything is relative to everything else. So, the improving of a relationship with anything is constituted of being able to see what it truly is more clearly, so that your responses arise out of truly perceiving a thing rather than being reactions to what you believe a thing to be.
The act of love is the act of willingness to see the Reality of each and every thing, which means you must be looking at it -- not hidden in the darkness of your mind with your eyes closed, not avoiding the world so as to rise above it. This is extreemely important, because everything that you experience is some aspect of Reality seen clearly or unclearly.
QUESTION: I still enjoy sexual activity, and I give myself a bad time for that. I'm wondering if that's all tied in with what you've said? I keep thinking I should expand the energy in forms of enlightenment.
RAJ: But where is it the enlightenment is going to be experienced? What is it going to be relative to? This is simply another aspect of your total experience that you need to be willing to be open to the divinity of.
Where is the divinity going to be experienced if it isn't going to be experienced right in the middle of relating lovingly to the one you are with? Where are you going to have to be in order to experience the essential divinity of another if it is not with them? Where is the divinity of the Meaning of the intimacy going to be experienced if it is not right in the middle of the intimacy? You must be willing to walk right into the middle of the "human experience" because that is where the divinity is going on! That is where the exaltation awaits you. That is where the increased clarity beckons you.
The ego would have you deny the world as unlike God, as actually standing in opposition to God, and therefore an insurmountable distraction to you in terms of your Awakening. But it can only be that, as I said, if the decision is made in you to interpret the world as opposite to God, and then turn your back on the very place where the opportunity to wake up is!
Now, the only thing you need to be alert for is the expression of respect toward your partner, in the sense of not using her as a means of self-satisfaction.
QUESTION: Am I using her as a means of self-satisfaction?
RAJ: No, you are not. But, you see, what I am bringing out is that that is the thing to be careful of. It is not the intimacy, itself.
QUESTION: It feels to me like I have an easier time feeling my love for other people than I do feeling their love for me.
RAJ: I will tell you something: Whether another is feeling loving toward you or not, consciously, their very Being is the presence of Love, and that Love is radiated toward and embracing you at all times. Indeed, the process of Awakening is the process of "letting in" the universal Love that is the constituting substance of all that is created. And the means of letting it in is the process of becoming defenseless.
The one way in which to facilitate defenselessness is to acknowledge that, indeed, if anyone or anything exists at all, it exists as the active expression of God, and therefore its substance, whether that thing or individual realizes it or not, is Love. Then become inquisitive, curious to experience it. Desire to be sensitive to it.
Now, I want to make clear to you that I am not talking about your becoming sensitive to any ego sense of love that they might be expressing or withholding. You see, it is in your willingness to acknowledge the Christ-hood, the absolute divinity of those in your experience, that you become less defended. Your interest, at the bottom line, must be to experience the divine presence that is there whether that one is experiencing it or not. Your interest in and desire to experience the divine presence in your boyfriend is the first step in the act of defenselessness. And, of course, this is true of anyone else, or a tree, or a plant, or whatever.
You must let in the universal context of love that you exist in. You must let it in. But, you will not let it in if you do not know it is there, because then you will not know that there is reason for desiring to experience it.
Now, if someone is not in touch with the love that he is consciously, it will not keep you from becoming aware of the love that he is. And, your awareness of it will constitute a joining with him, a strengthening of what he is as Love, and this will be healing. But, if you ask him to love you more, you will come up short, because it won't matter how much he feels it or tries to express it to you, if you are not willing to let down your defense against it, you will not experience it. So, the solution lies entirely in you as an aspect of your waking up, and does not require you to wake up entirely in order to experience it.
QUESTION: I thoroughly enjoy loving my boyfriend, and I enjoy the way he loves me. And there's a part of me that wants him to express his love for me in some other way. Is that the ego that wants him to do it in a different way?
RAJ: Absolutely. It is an attempt for control. It is using love as a means of manipulation. You want to steer clear of that completely. He is Love -- again, whether he is consciously aware of it or not.
QUESTION: Well, he is. One of the reasons that I love him so much is that I can feel that he is love. I feel it more with him than anyone else.
RAJ: Then do not allow yourself to become distracted by attempting to control it. Feel it. If you will not lay expectations upon him, or upon that love, or the form in which it shows itself forth -- if you will not allow yourself to be distracted from simply feeling it, the fullness of it that is there for you to experieence will increase. And you will find no call for doing anything else.
[The following question and answer are from the Virginia Beach, Virginia Workshop, A Weekend With Raj, held August 22-23, 1987.]
QUESTION: What is the role of marriage in enlightenment?
RAJ: What it actually does is that it provides the arena, with a high degree of focus, in which the demand for unconditional love is brought into play. The fact is that unconditional love is not generally practiced frivolously, spontaneously. It is easier for one to withdraw from a situation where unconditional love is needed when one is in a social or business setting. But, because of the commitment that is essential to a successful marriage, one cannot simply walk away. So, the environment of the commitment causes one to hang in longer and cut through the ego dynamics that would cause one to feel like withdrawing, so as to perceive the essential value and divinity and thereby be the expression of love that is transformational, healing, and fulfilling.
Marriage is very much like school, in that the environment provides the demand for attention and learning that one would not subject himself to, if he were not "going to school." Being married is not essential to waking up. But the consistency of the demand for love, by virtue of the relationship between the husband and wife, and by virtue of the demands that are brought into play by the children, moves one with greater rapidity, with greater movement, than a single person finds himself confronted with.
Marriage also provides a stability to society -- by virtue of the dynamics that commitment brings into play -- that is essential, and marriage needs not to be taken lightlyy because its meaning and its impact in the world is great. To be perfectly blunt with you, marriage is not becoming "old-fashioned." It is not becoming outmoded. It does not have less value today than it did 100 or 1,000 years ago. Just as it is very difficult to wake up all by one's self, without the help of one's guide, it is very difficult to hold oneself in the position of, shall I say, the practical application of unconditional love when one is living in isolation, by oneself.
It takes two to practice love. It takes the joining together of two to wake up! It requires the ending of isolationism, separatism, in order to experience the unity of all that is.
[The following questions and answers are from the Sedona, Arizona Workshop, A Weekend With Raj, held August 15-16, 1987.]
QUESTION: I just wanted to ask another question relating to marriage. Can you comment on the huge number of divorces and separations? Also, do you think any marriage could have been a mistake from the beginning?
RAJ: Of course there have been marriages that were mistakes from the beginning. When a marriage is the result of self-seeking or manipulation, when a marriage is entered into out of selfishness, there is no fertile soil upon which that marriage or relationship can grow.
The increase in the number of divorces is a phenomena which is strongest in the western world where instant gratification of the ego is high -- the reason being that there is a need for commitment, there is a need for an insistence upon essential value in order to exxperience fulfillment. Therefore, whether one is in a relationship, whether one is experiencing a physical difficulty, whether one is having trouble getting in touch with his inner guidance, the call is for a persistence that the ego says is work, and isn't worth it; that there are other quicker ways to get something at least closely equivalent to the experience of value and fulfillment that one gets from persistently following through and holding out for the clearer experience of Reality.
So, when the going gets a little rough, when the call for a commitment to unconditional love presents itself, people turn their back. "It isn't supposed to be this hard!" It is the result of a lack of inner self-discipline. And it indicates that too many people see themselves as organisms -- just another specie of animal on your planet -- and that therefore there isn't really anything deeper to connect with. So, they do not value the potential that is to be found in the ongoing committedness to substantiating the value of each other in a relationship. It is a matter of carelessness and immaturity that is parading itself in the guise of "being modern."
QUESTION: I want to ask about my relationship with my husband. We've been separated for two months at my request, and I have very mixed feelings about where it's to go. You told me once that I have a really good sense of Knowing, and that if I'd got out of my head and pay attention to my gut, I'd be okay. But, I feel like I have a lot of conflicting messages about this. I left because it's very hard to be centered in the relationship. He's a very angry and often depressed person. Since I've left, I've learned that I need to accept him exactly the way he is and not to expect him to be any different -- but I do want him to be different. I think about the marriage vows. To me that's a violation of integrity, to leave when thhings are worse. I guess I want comment on that.
RAJ: You have a situation here where you were the instigator of the relationship, and you went into the relationship knowing that he needed to change in order for the relationship to be successful. And you felt very clearly that you were capable of promoting this change -- that your motive was loving, that you did care for him and you did see his value. And that because you saw his value, you tthereby had a "leverage of love" to bring about what you wanted him to be. And you cannot leverage anything with love.
Now, you were correct in withdrawing from the relationship, because the relationship you wanted to create is not a potential between the two of you. It is not wise for you to attempt to go back, and at the bottom line you could say it doesn't constitute a breaking of the marriage vow because your vow was not truly to love him as he is, because you know that's not workable.
You vowed in your mind to love him "as you would make him be," or "help him become." Again, when I am direct in this manner, it is not with any sense of criticism. It is essential for each of you in your awakening process to be able to look squarely at what you are doing, or what your motive is, so that you may see whether it is truly valuable or truly valid, or not. It is only in being able to see that, that you can say, "Oh, boy, I need to set that aside," or, "Yes, I am right on track."
Now, it is time for you to disengage from this "non-relationship," and make yourself available for a relationship with someone who doesn't need to be changed in order for there to be a nourishing relationship. It is important for you not to tie yourself to a relationship, which only exists as a potential in your manipulative mind.
I am not suggesting that in all ways you are a manipulator. But in this instance, I am aware that it was your deep and fond desire to be able to create a relationship with this man to help him, so that the value that you do see in him is something he can see in himself. That is not an altogether unworthy desire. But, it is not a desire that will be able to be fulfilled in a reasonable amount of time for you. There is not the willingness on his part to yield. And it is not appropriate for you to accept him as he is and remain in the relationship, because, as you are correctly aware, it is untenable for you. And you should not think in any way that you ought to be able to endure it.
QUESTION: I know that he loves me and I love him. Although now I'm wondering if I love him or if I love the vision of him that I have. But, it seems like that's just down the drain. You say it's a non-relationship. It doesn't feel like one.
RAJ: What there is to the relationship is strenuous. It is a non-relationship in terms of your great desire, your vision for the relationship. The relationship is not congruent with your vision of it, and in that sense is a non-relationship. The relationship that exists is one in which you are the "helper," the "therapist" and that is not a marriage relationship. And the fact is that he has not requested therapy.
Now, love is never down the drain -- never! And even though you move on, it is not necessary for you to devalue the love you have felt, and it is not necessary for you to devalue or invalidate the love he has had for you. But it is necessary to be willing to acknowledge what works and what doesn't work, so that you do not tie yourself to something that doesn't work. And it is not your right to say, "My love should be able to bring about the correction that is needed."
I will tell you, my love is not sufficient to bring about correction when the one needing correction does not desire it himself/herself. If it could, it would override the integrity of that individual. That is not principled, and it cannot be done. You, and everyone else in this room, have only moved out of a negative experience by virtue of an inner decision -- a decision that no one else could make for you.
So, you love, but you make no requirement that that love have a certain effect, and you love without condemning yourself if that love doesn't effect the change. And you value the love that you have felt. You value the recognition of that which is real in the one you are with, because that act of love constitutes a consistency with what you divinely are that brings your integrity into your inner Self-awareness, so that you feel your strength, you feel your substance, you feel your validity. But, you must realize that your love is not a tool by which you can make others behave intelligently, or in any way. I have mentioned before that there is a wonderful saying: A mind that's changed against its will is of the same opinion still.
So, dare to look at the situation honestly -- not with your wish, not with your hope, not with your dreams. This will give you the clarity needed for you to take your neext steps.
If you were a painter, and were quite excellent, and you put in ten years of your life painting the most beautiful pictures, and it became apparent to you, for one reason or another, that it was important for you to move in another direction and not paint any more, would it mean that the creativity and the beauty and the talent that you had expressed all went down the drain? No. All of the value of it still exists. It has contributed. It has meant something. And it is important for you to know that none of it has been wasted.
QUESTION: I would like to honor myself and what I need to be doing with my life. My questions have to do with the relationship I'm in now, and whether or not that relationship is almost over, and what am I supposed to do next, related to work?
RAJ: I am going to ask what has prompted you to assume that relationships are like a one-semester or two-semester course in Life? Something, which starts, accomplishes something, and ends -- some of the courses lasting longer than others. I truly want every one of you to think about that, because it is not consisstent with the fundamental nature of relationships and their function, their meaning, to be considered as temporary and simply for learning.
How many of you are "auditing" relationships? I just want you to think about that.
Now, this relationship you are in is not, in itself, winding down. You might say that the soil of the relationship is fertile soil. And it is important for you to not jump to the conclusion, or not assume, that there is not ongoing potential for this relationship.
Can you see that as long as one thinks that a relationship is occurring for the purpose of learning, one will give his or her attention to whatever the learning is that he thinks is occurring, and the essential connection of two individualities gets overlooked in the "learning." So, the boyfriend or girl friend, or the husband or the wife, become like a schoolteacher with whom you never become involved, except in terms of paying attention to the data that is being provided for the learning.
If you want to learn about relationships, go to college and take a class in psychology, and take a class in relationships, and get all the information. But, don't go into a relationship and treat it like school. Go into a relationship and lower your defenses so that you may let in the experience of the one you are with more deeply, and more fully, and find your unity there with that other one.
I cannot tell you what is coming next in terms of a relationship because the one you are in is not over, and it is not appropriate for you to think in terms of what is coming next in terms of a relationship.
[The following questions and answers are from private conversations with Raj.]
QUESTION: I wonder what my justification is for not loving myself?
QUESTION: There truly is almost no place you can go on your planet where anyone will tell you that you are absolutely divine, and support and hold you to that awareness. You are conditioned to believe that you are just a human being -- that maybe you have a soul that is divine, but it is not the dominant part of you.
You are told that you are flawed, simply by virtue of existing as a human being. Even your religions, in one way or another, convey that you are born in sin. Even though you may not have been told that specifically, and it has not been drilled into you, it is nevertheless the prevalent thought and comes out in expressions of likelihood of making mistakes, likelihood of becoming ill, likelihood of never achieving your full stature in whatever field or area you wish to pursue, et cetera.
So, there is always present a sense of not measuring up. And, of course, if you are not measuring up, it must be because there is something inherently flawed about you. And, therefore, in the eyes of Perfection, you are unattractive, unlovable -- intolerable, perhaps! So, it is not necessarily a specific self-hate as much as it is a general and substantial resistance to self-appreciation.
Unworthiness is the general state of mind of mankind, presently, and this is what you are having to deal with. This is what you are having to "reprogram" yourself about, together with the need of releasing the feeling that there is judgment pending, that there is an axe waiting to fall.
QUESTION: How can I open up to an increase in my counseling practice?
RAJ: You will indeed find your clientele or practice increasing, but I want to address you to an attitude regarding your clients and yourself. Both the client and the therapist, or both the teacher and the student, fulfill both roles. You are the therapist for the client and your client is the therapist for you. You are the teacher for the student, and the student is the teacher for you. It is a reciprocal thing of equality on both sides of the ledger.
It will be helpful for you to consider the relationship in this light, because in this way you get out of the realm of needing to "express your expertise well" or else your clients will not return, or that maybe you don't have what it takes for what is needed. And you can see that these lines of thinking set up a division, a separation between you and the client. Forms of self-protection creep into the picture that emphasize the separation. This causes you not to be able to love as readily, because some of that loving energy has to be used in self-defense, self-protection -- covering your derriere -- and perhaps involving you in being careful to protect whatever reputation you have been able to bbuild up.
It is very important for you to cultivate and nurture the awareness of the mutuality of the relationship and the equality of it, and that the two or three of you are both teacher and student for each other. This removes all sense of division and allows an open embracing of everyone involved, whether it is two or more. As you begin to do this, you will find your practice increasing, just as your clients will find their "practice" increasing by virtue of their association with you and their opportunity to be your teacher, even though they will not be thinking of it in that way. You need to allow yourself to put them into the practice, because in the end that is what facilitates their discovery that they do not need you.
Conversations with Raj is made up of actual questions and answers drawn, with permission, from private conversations with Raj and public Workshops. Rajpur, an Ascended Master, is an Individuality making himself known by means of conscious channeling through Paul Norman Tuttle for the purpose of facilitating the major shift of consciousness which mankind is entering into.
Conversations with Raj is published monthly by Kairos, Inc., P.O. Box 71280, Seattle, Washington, U.S.A., 98107. Phone: 206-789-7615. Subscription price, prepaid, one year $36.00; single copy $4.00. Copyright Ó 1987 by Paul Norman Tuttle. All rights reserved.