CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ
VOL. 4, NO. 8
[The following questions and answers are from the Monterey, California Workshop, A Weekend With Raj, held August 8-9, 1987.]
QUESTION: Yesterday, as the questions went around the room, the only question that popped into my mind, of all the others I was thinking about, was, how am I doing?
RAJ: How do you think you are doing?
QUESTION: I think I'm doing fine.
RAJ: You are, indeed. You are not perfect, but you are doing fine.
QUESTION: And I've had a problem with perfection.
RAJ: The attempts to be perfect arise from a sense that one is not perfect already -- that if one allows himself to be where he is and who he is, that chaos will reign, that disorder will be the rule. But all of the attempts to become perfect, or to be perfect, constitute a tension that is unnatural, and the acts that come from that tense feeling tend not to be in harmony.
You see, the clearer experience of your perfection comes right through the part of you that feels weakest, because the part of you that feels weakest is the part of you that is least well defended. This is the reason that when people come to the end of their rope, something happens. And it's the "last straw." And they let go "into their awfulness," let go into this "something" that they have been avoiding confronting. They find a peace emerging because they are not busy building a mask of perfection. They are not busy denying themselves.
When one comes to the end of the rope, he or she finally says, "Okay, world, here I am. I can't be other than I am. Take me or leave me." And when one arrives at that point, that is the first expression of genuineness. It is actually an expression of integrity, although it feels horrible and you have done everything you can for your whole life to avoid being in that place.
When one actually allows himself/herself into that place, and abides there, and stops trying to be perfect, or trying to be what everyone else has expected, there is a sense of strength that is present, surprisingly enough! It is because you are not giving your power away any more.
When one really allows himself/herself to hit the bottom of the barrel and say, "here I am, for better or for worse," "this is who I am, take me or leave me," "I don't care if you leave me, I don't care if you take me, I just am," the experience is one of having a huge load drop from your shoulders. You stand clear of all the clutter and the garbage.
You are willing to do what you can, and what you can't, you don't attempt. And, you don't apologize. If you need to write a note to someone, you do not find your best stationery if it is not available. You use the corner of a paper bag, and you don't care. The message being communicated is the point, and so you work with what you have at hand. And, you are comfortable with it.
If you do not have $1 million and you only have $10, you work with what you have, and you do not complain and be frustrated about it. You allow yourself to be there. You do not say that only having $10 says something important about you, or something terribly negative about you, and you don't feel that if you have $1 million that that says something terribly important about you. You just are. And you are comfortable. And you express yourself without facade, without artificiality.
What happens is that in that genuine sharing of yourself without apology, that humble sharing of yourself, you touch people, your contacts with them have meaning for them. The communication goes beyond the words because they can tell that it's coming from your heart, and that you haven't covered yourself over in any way for any reason. It allows others to trust you easily. And as far as everyone is concerned, you become increasingly effective, an increasingly valuable presence.
The perfection that you had been trying so hard to achieve, you find simply there, without any effort on your part simply because you have arrived at a point where it is too hard to maintain the facade and you have dared to be "just you." That is the way in which you let the Christ emerge. That is the way in which "the stranger within your gates" is able to emerge, because you have given up on trying to be perfect. You have given up on trying to be successful. You have given up trying to be a millionaire, and you have given up trying to avoid being poor, and you have given up trying not to hit the bottom of the barrel. You have given up the resistance to just being You.
I indicated yesterday that the gift you have to give to the world is the presentation of You, the genuine presentation of You. And you are perfect. But until you give up trying to be perfect, your inherent perfection cannot come through. There is too much pride. There is too much sense of false responsibility to others, and a consequent denial and avoidance of just being You.
The saying is "Man's extremity is God's opportunity." I'm going to modify that. Man's extremity is man's opportunity to experience his divinity. It is man's opportunity to discover the presence of the Father in him. That is another way of saying the same thing. There is such order in the universe that even when the most dire circumstances are going on, they are uniquely contributive to your awakening. You can never get outside of the opportunity or the demand to become humble and genuine. You are never outside the opportunity to experience the presence of the Father in you. And every single experience points in that direction, no matter how negative it seems.
Your very presence is a light, a radiancy of Love, right now, right here in this room! But you won't feel It as long as you are trying to be perfect, as long as you are trying to present yourself well, as long as you are self-conscious. You know that "self-conscious" really means "other-conscious." It really means unselfconscious, because everything you are doing, you are gauging by the reactions of those around you. So, you are paying more attention to them than you are to yourself.
That is the way you give power away, by being unselfconscious. And when you are unselfconscious, and you are "other-conscious," then you are constantly working to present the picture, the mask that "they" want. And the gift of your genuineness, your humble, defenseless Self-expression, is lost to the world.
Now, the world doesn't complain about that, but you suffer from it, because it constitutes Self-denial. And the ego takes that suffering and suggests that you need to build a sturdier mask, a more complex and unique mask that will be more interesting to the world, when the real necessity is to give up and let go of the mask entirely. Let go of the pretense. Let go of the artificial attempt to be perfect. And just be whatever this "awful" thing is that you really are.
When you connect with this "awful" thing that you are, you find that it's the light that I just said you were. It's the Value of you. It's the Beauty of you. It is the essence of God, specifically expressed so that It has Its essential place in the infinite expression of Life, of God, and therefore fulfills purpose for every aspect of the creation of God.
QUESTION: So, in other words, it is God I honor?
RAJ: No! What is this God you are going to honor? Where are you going to go to honor God? You must dare to let yourself into the clearer experience of You, because that is where God is. For example, you don't have to go any further than your own mind to find God. And if God is there, then God is what is constituting your right mind. So, in order to find God to honor God, you are going to have to find You, so that you can feel the divinity of You, and in feeling the divinity of You, recognize that what causes It to be divine is that It is the active presence of God. Then you have made the connection with God.
What good does it do to honor God somewhere in the cosmos, or somewhere -- but certainly not right where you are? To honor God in that way dishonors you, and does not provide you with the opportunity to find the identicalness, the inseparability of you and God. So, you start where you are, with you, and give yourself the opportunity to find and experience deeply within you, your essential Value and Worth, because that is not an idea, it is an experience, and experience cannot be talked away. Ideas can.
In the experience of your Value, you become aware that that Value is the presence of God. What gives you value is the Source of You, and God is the Source of your Being. In this way the experience of God is real to you, and not conceptual.
Thinking about the divinity of God, thinking about what God is, will not move you over the threshold into your experience of your divinity, because when you are thinking about what God is, you leave yourself out of the picture. You can even say, "God is all there is of me." But God is an "unknown" factor, although you are an experienced factor. And it is only as you allow yourself to experience yourself more deeply and experience more clearly your essential divinity, that what God is becomes translated into meaning for you, because you find that God is all there is of you. But you have discovered it through the inner experience of your Meaning. So, you feel It, and in feeling It, you feel what God is.
Now, I am not talking here about feeling your emotions, because emotions are ego reactions to the inconsistency between the ego's concepts and the actual Reality of things. When you arrive at the point of giving up, you move into a place where your ego is not attempting anything -- at least temporarily. You move into a stillness, a void, something which, as I indicated, you thought of as a horrible place to be. But in that extremity -- in that moment, or week, or month or two -- of what you have called despair or hopelessness, you have the opportunity to decide not to attempt any further to create masks.
In the acceptance of yourself right in the middle of hopelessness, you find your Integrity emerging -- as an experience, not an idea! You find yourself feeling your strength -- not as an idea, but as an experience -- and it is coming out of nowhere. It isn't coming as a result of thinking. It comes because it is essential to your Being. It has always been there, but in the quietness, when your ego is feeling incapacitated, your Being has the opportunity to rise to the conscious level of your awareness.
The word, "God," means nothing if it doesn't relate to your experience of you. That's why there hasn't been a tremendous amount of healing as a result of prayer -- because one is not letting himself into the position where he can experience the God in him or the God in her that constitutes the absence of disease. So, if you wish to honor God, then look for Him first in the very center of You. Start with you, and move to the very center of You. There you will find God as the very vital presence of everything true about you.
"Be still, and know that I am God." Where are you going to be still? The only place you have to be still is within you. "Go into thy closet and pray to thy Father, which is in secret" -- which is in the silence. Where is the silence? Within you.
QUESTION: It is my goal to get in touch with my essential self and be unconditionally loving, and I realize that I cannot know what that is now, but I will see what that is as it unfolds, as I experience it. I would like to know more specifically what it is that I have to offer to the world. I haven't been moving very quickly toward fulfilling that recently, and I'd like to know what has been holding me back from that. I'd appreciate some clarification on that.
RAJ: The pace at which you are moving is perfectly appropriate. You are not moving too slowly, although the suggestion is made to you that you are. There is perfect orderliness. You are not resisting your forward movement in any way. And in this apparently quiet time, where there is not a lot of active movement, there is quiet assimilation going on, and incorporation of the progress that you have most recently been involved in. And it is appropriate for you to have this time, even though your ego is getting antsy and wanting to get on with it. It is important for you to value the orderliness of your Being and to honor the unhurried pace that you are experiencing at this time.
Now, you are already having some faint glimmerings of what is to come, and those faint glimmerings, those subtle feelings that you are having, are also emerging in their proper timeliness. If it was appropriate for those glimmerings to be more specific, they would be. But if they were, you would jump on the bandwagon and "go for it," as the ego is suggesting, and you would not allow yourself this space and time that you have in which to allow this incorporation to be completed.
Likewise, if I disclosed to you specifically the direction you will be moving in, you would unavoidably take steps to get there. It is necessary for you to allow yourself to be at peace with yourself now, so that you will be attentive in the right place as the clearer focus emerges. Again, it is in the humility, it is in the willingness to embrace yourself right where you are, whether you are "measuring up" to the social standard, or the expectations of others who love you, because in that gentle kindness that you extend to yourself by being humble and self-embracing, you are not providing static to distort or cover over the next steps as they come more clearly into view.
Again I encourage you to believe that there is perfect order to what is happening with you, and perfect order to the pace at which you are moving.
QUESTION: You said that I am not resisting the movement of my Self, but it seems to me in a certain way that I am resisting. At times I make conscious decisions to do things that go against the true nature. I think we all do, but I think I do it a lot more than I would like to. That seems to me to be a resistance to moving forward, and I wonder what's behind that?
RAJ: I will tell you this: You are making mountains out of molehills. More than finding out why you aren't moving forward any faster than you are, I want you to address yourself to breaking the habit of self-criticism, breaking the habit of always believing that there is something about you that is wrong, that is needing to be straightened out.
You do not have pockets of ugliness in you that need to be routed out. You do not have a lot of skeletons in your closets that need to be seen and gotten rid of. You do not need to always be finding something worth criticizing in you.
I will tell you this, also: To the degree that you begin to appreciate yourself right where you are, to the degree that you will withhold the criticism for what you have done that hasn't been the best, you will not engage your emotions negatively, and you will be in a position to intelligently and clearly decide not to do those things again. If you engage emotions of self-criticism as though the emotional push is going to purge you, as though it takes that anger at yourself in order to free you up from the things that are holding you back -- if you drop that approach, you will find yourself spontaneously and naturally taking steps, doing actions, that are constructive.
The employment of criticism will only succeed in keeping you in a state of inner conflict. It feeds the ego. You do not want to use self-criticism as a tool for moving out of what is not practical for you. You want to use intelligent clarity, because there is no judgment in intelligent clarity. There is an acknowledgment of what works and what doesn't work, but there is not judgment against you.
If you will look for what is right in you rather than what is wrong in you, and if you magnify what is right in you by appreciating it, you will find your self-awareness, your self-definition, changing. You will find yourself more lovable, because there is more that you are consciously aware of that you can appreciate.
As that acknowledgment, as that appreciation grows within you as a result of your intelligent clarity, you will find more and more happening that you will be able to appreciate. And because you are not bringing negative energy, negative emotions, into play, you will find that the dead weight that those negative emotions have had will become lighter and lighter -- not because you have attacked them directly, not because you have ferreted them out and thrown them out, but because you have replaced the search for what is wrong with you with a search for what is right with you.
Now, this is a habit of long standing -- to find out what there is in you that is holding you back, to find out what there is wrong with you that needs to be dealt with. There is no way to experience self-appreciation or self-love when you are busy finding things wrong with yourself.
When you dare to become centered, you effortlessly move into the experience of your peace. Do you realize that your peace is there to be experienced no matter how many flaws you seem to have? It is not necessary to deal with those flaws in order to connect with your peace. And when you connect with your peace, you are connecting with that which is real about you.
As I indicated yesterday, that peace is experienced as a void, as a great quietness in which nothing seems to be present except peace. But, as you choose to experience that, and do it frequently, you will begin to find that joy is emerging out of the peace.
Now, the joy emerges out of the peace, even though from your everyday level of conscious thought, you are still full of flaws. And it is not necessary to have done anything with those flaws in order to connect with your peace and your joy. As you further insist to choose for your peace, the void becomes fuller of your innate Wisdom, your clear perspective that somehow knows exactly what to do and what not to do. There is the emerging experience of your oneness with the movement of Creation, which is experienced as a sense of Purpose that goes far beyond any human purpose you could come up with. And that awareness emerges even though from the ego level, you are still flawed!
You see, what I am trying to communicate here is that it is a false idea that you have to dig out all of the things that are wrong with you in order to move into enlightenment, in order to move into the Kingdom of Heaven. The things that are worthy of criticism in you are evident only from the ego level of awareness and they are inherent in, shall I say the ego lenses that you are looking through. They are not inherent in you. And I will tell you this: You can dig out all the flaws and replace them with perfection, and you will find that the ego, behind your back, has established a new set of flaws for you to deal with.
So, although the motive seems valid and worthwhile to find the things that are wrong with you and correct them, it is not a valid objective to pursue. It is necessary for you to be willing to step out of that frame of reference, itself, and you do this by going within, connecting with your peace through meditation or any form of "becoming still" that works for you, that allows you to settle out of the surface, reactive, ego level.
You see, religious ethic has postulated that the process of getting into the Kingdom of Heaven is trial and tribulation. And all of you, for aeons, it would seem, have experienced and overcome trial and tribulation, and you still aren't in the Kingdom of Heaven -- not consciously, at least. And it's about time to get the message that trial and tribulation and the overcoming of it is not the way.
What you divinely are is present right here and right now, and in order to access it, all you have to do is withdraw your attention from the ego's flawed sense of everything, including you, so that you may humbly move into your ever-present perfect experience of your Self -- and you do this by loving yourself, by letting go of the defenses against experiencing what you divinely Are.
As I indicated, when you connect humbly with Who you Are without pretense, then your very presence is the gift of that which is essential and that which is valuable to the Whole -- to your world.
Now, I want you to consider what I have said seriously, and I want you to be alert to every time that you are inclined to blame yourself, to find yourself to somehow be the reason that things have gone wrong, or things are not going as well as they should, or the reason that someone is distressed. When you notice that you are doing it, squelch it! Stop it! Tell it to shut up. Kick it out. Refuse to entertain it.
You do not have to invite in these negative self-critical thoughts and let them mess you up, let them cause you to lose your equilibrium. You can eject them from your "thinking house," if I can put it that way, and choose to give your attention to something that is true, something that is valuable for you, that doesn't create conflict in you. And if it takes sitting down and doing a meditation to clear them out, then do it! But, understand that the way in which you connect with what you divinely Are is to become still so that your point of awareness is able to settle into your peace that is present regardless of the flaws.
Be alert, and squelch it when it happens. Replace the negativity, replace the self-criticism, replace the fault-finding with your peace, because there there is no flaw apparent. There is Wisdom, there is perspicacity, there is the ability to Know -- not because of concepts or etiquette or anything else -- what is right and what is wrong, or what works and what doesn't work. There is clarity and intelligence.
How can you dare to trust into your Being if your sense of yourself is that you are full of pockets of flaws? You cannot. But if you understand that the flaws are a projection of an ego sense of yourself and that they are not true, they are not valid, and therefore they do not require you to react to them, then you can embrace the idea that you are essentially flawless. And that if you let yourself into the deeper experience of You, you will not be letting yourself into something that is flawed and undependable. It will be easier to lean into your Self, your peace, and thereby begin the process of Self-discovery.
Don't waste any more of your time finding yourself to be the cause of negative events or distressed people. Don't take it back on yourself. If others are distressed, it is their responsibility to take themselves into their peace, and choose for their peace. You are not to blame. So, be alert for this habit and begin to actively, earnestly squelch it.
[The following questions and answers are from the Virginia Beach, Virginia Workshop, A Weekend With Raj, held August 22-23, 1987.]
QUESTION: I've been trying to think of a question, and I'll go back to the first one that came to me. And that is: Who am I?
RAJ: Who are you? It is a good question. If you will refrain from answering it, you will be it. That is the answer. That is all we have been talking about this weekend. It is literally the answers you come up with, the answers you create out of your best judgment that get in the way and alter what you are. If you do not have the answer, then you are in an empty place. You are in the void, as it were. The void is a place that cannot remain empty, and so what you Are fills it, and moves on.
You see, when you have gone within to that quiet place and you are standing as the Door, you are standing in the "not-knowing" place, where you are sure of absolutely nothing. And, because you bring no biases to that awareness whatsoever, the Knowing can emerge. But it does not become a Knowing that you store up or accumulate. It is a Knowing that you allow to let go. You continue to identify with and as that "not-knowing" place.
Knowing is a fluid thing. Knowledge is a static "thing. And when you capture the Knowing in Its movement and put It in a neat little box and call It knowledge, you have lost Knowing, because you are not open to It. This is one of the reasons that the process of waking up is difficult, because you are conditioned to hold onto, to capture, Truth. Not capturing It, not holding onto It, feels very insecure because you cannot gather It around you as a protection.
In the process of allowing yourself to be in the "not-knowing" place, Who and What You Are -- the Knowing that constitutes your Being -- can emerge. And if you let It go, you find It replaced with more emerging Knowing. And the absolute consistency of the ongoing Knowing begins to be what you use to feel your security.
It is not how much you have accumulated or the quality of what you have accumulated that gives you peace or security. It is the fact that you do not need to ever hold onto it, and yet what you Know will always be present and available to you, that gives you your real security.
Who are you? You could say you are the point of emergence of the Father. Any more definition than "the experience of the Father moving into expression at the point that you constitute" will cause you to lose your identity. And at the bottom line waking up is coming back to the experience of being the presence of the Father in action.
The Father's movement is epitomized in the words, "Behold, I make all things new." That is the movement of the Father. You dare not grab onto what the Father is being at this moment and say, "this is what I am," "this is who I am," because at the moment you say that, the Father has moved, and what you have identified as you is not You.
Yielding to the Father, or yielding to yourself -- which means the same thing -- is yielding up all control completely, all ego control, all means of identifying who you are so that the glory of God can stand forth unobstructed and be experienced by you as You in an absolutely fluid state of movement that is not ever jelled into any fixed form. Your identity is eternal, but your identity is what the Father is being in this instant. Waking up is a matter of letting go of the accumulated identifications that you have gathered to yourself.
If you want to know the answer, let yourself into the "not-knowing" place. Let yourself be free of confidences in everything you have believed. You will not find yourself empty. You will not find yourself being erratic. You will not find yourself unable to function "in the world." In effect, moving into the "not-knowing" place is like erasing the blackboard that is already crammed full of what you are sure of, so that your very Being may write anew on it. The Wisdom that you Are does not become consciously available to you until the blackboard is clean of your best judgments. So, do ask the question, "Who am I?" Just don't answer it yourself. And who you Are will be what is!
There is absolutely nothing impractical or philosophical about what I have just said. I have been talking brass tacks. I have been talking absolute realism.
I retract that statement, simply because there are too many who would say, "Oh, he's speaking in the absolute." I have been talking practical realism, unequivocal realism. But each one of you must arrive at the point where you are willing to invest the trust in your essential Being that allows you to let go of the control you exercise to maintain your present sense identity, as though you really knew who you were.
QUESTION: You have previously used the words, "the great equalizer," as a divine presence which all of mankind will at some level or another experience before the end of 1987. I was wondering whether those words or that divine presence is the Harmonic Convergence? Is it connected in some way, or is it something different?
RAJ: All that it is appropriate for me to say at this point is that what I have referred to as the great equalizer will be a great upsurgence of divine awareness experienced within individual consciousness for no apparent reason. There will be no external cause of it. It will bring about great chemicalization within individual thought because it will be recognizably real and true, and it will be your awareness of things. It will not be an idea, which you can pay attention to or set aside.
Now, mind you, this dynamic will not be something that is being inflicted upon you from an external source. The density of the Brotherhood of Man is rapidly diminishing, and as the density disappears, dissolves, that which you actually Are, that which you divinely Are becomes recognizable or experiential. I will say "experienceable."
So, you will experience it because that which you divinely Are is being uncovered, and It is being uncovered because there is not enough mental density to succeed in continuing to cover It up. Your very means of perceiving your world will change because of the profound or intense awareness that divinity is the Nature of everything.
It isn't something you will hear about first on the news. It is something you will "hear about" by virtue of experiencing it. It will at first seem to be an unreasonable conviction in the fundamental holiness of everything -- and I will promise you that the ego will scramble to "make it reasonable." But you will all do very well to just abide in the experience that you are having of that conviction.
Do you realize that the conviction of the divinity of everything is the normal, natural mental attitude towards the life-experience? Because that is the Nature of everything.
That conviction is resident in each of you at this moment, because you have never stopped being what the Father created you to be by moving upon Himself and recognizing Himself in the movement that is called you, and you, and you, and you, and all the rest of you. So, at the bottom line, the conviction you will be experiencing will be valid. It will be reasonable. But it will be by virtue of What you Are, divinely speaking, and it will not be reasonable because you can explain it.
You want to know what the great equalizer is? "The stranger within thy gates." Your Self. And that is all I will add at this point to what I have said in the past.
Conversations with Raj is made up of actual questions and answers drawn, with permission, from private conversations with Raj and public Workshops. Rajpur, an Ascended Master, is an Individuality making himself known by means of conscious channeling through Paul Norman Tuttle for the purpose of facilitating the major shift of consciousness which mankind is entering into.
Conversations with Raj is published monthly by Kairos, Inc., P.O. Box 71280, Seattle, Washington, U.S.A., 98107. Phone: 206-789-7615. Subscription price, prepaid, one year $36.00; single copy $4.00. Copyright Ó 1987 by Paul Norman Tuttle. All rights reserved.