JULY 1987

VOL. 4, NO. 7



(The following are the opening statement and two questions from the East Wallingford, Vermont Workshop, A Weekend With Raj, held June 20-21, 1987.]


What I have to share with you is not intended as a "setting of a theme" in any way. But it is a comment, which is appropriate for all of you at this time. I want you to consider two words: vestibule and wilderness.


The Jews wandered in the wilderness for forty years before moving into the promised land. They clearly understood and felt their dignity enough to move out of captivity, but they did not feel the right to move directly into their fulfillment. This has direct bearing on every one of you, because all of you in one way or another are existing in the wilderness experience between the movement out of bondage into fulfillment. This wilderness period is the vestibule between endarkenment and enlightenment.


Now, it used to be, some years ago, that there was a particularly handsome train that was taken in order to get to Istanbul. It was called The Orient Express. (Yes, enlightened ones are totally aware of what goes on in practical terms on your planet.) There were many who rode that train, not so much to get to Istanbul as to enjoy the ride. In other words, the vehicle, the means of locomotion, itself, was the focal point. I mention this because it is important for the wilderness experience not to become the focal point, so that you end up riding back and forth in circles, never arriving at a destination, but getting pleasure out of the dynamics of the travel, of the process of arriving at the destination.


Now, that does not mean that it is necessary to demean or devalue the means of locomotion, but it means do not let it become the focal point so that you become distracted from moving into your fulfillment.


Each one of you, at this moment, is the direct and full expression of the Life-Principle, the Father, God. Right now that is what you are in your Actuality. Your sense of your mortality, your current sense of your humanhood, could be called the vestibule to your experience of your divinity. It could also be called your "wilderness" experience. But that sense of yourself does not constitute the Fact about You, and what you divinely Are at this moment is available to you to experience if you do not value the process of Awakening too much. You can delay your awakening by valuing the obediences, or the steps, the mazes, et cetera, that the human mind can come up with that cause you to feel that you have become worthy of owning and experiencing your Christ-hood.


It is time to wake up! It is not the time to delay, simply because it is not the Father's Will for you to be asleep, ignorant of your divinity. Therefore, anything, which would hold you in ignorance is in opposition to the Father's Will. It is in opposition to your fundamental Nature, and so why lallygag around in the wilderness? There is no requirement of God's that you do so. Therefore, there is no law of God that says you must earn what is already your birthright. But, you, individually, will have to dare to claim your birthright and open up to it, and let it fill you at your conscious level of awareness. It already is your constituting presence at the most fundamental levels of your Being, but you block it with your enjoyment of the "wilderness" experience. You enjoy overcoming; you enjoy the challenge. There is even a sense that if it is too easy, you have not legitimately arrived at your Peace and your fulfillment. So, you hold out for another fix of distress, a little more suffering to mold and exalt your spirit.


Your Spirit is the creation of God, and that which God creates can never become less than what God has created it to be. Through your use of your imagination, you can believe anything you wish, but you cannot alter what you divinely Are.


It is not appropriate for you to get stuck in the vestibule, in the in-between place. The in-between place is, indeed, territory you must cover, or traverse -- that place between the sense of dignity and integrity that is yours that causes you to deny the necessity of suffering and bondage and the movement from that recognition into the acceptance of your Wholeness and your fulfillment. The place between those two frames of reference must be traversed. But, don't turn that in-between place into a religious process that has so much value that you don't get to your fulfillment. Don't let that in-between place be turned into such a wonderful dynamic of spiritual growth that you never let yourself feel your divinity.



QUESTION: I have been working with A Course in Miracles, and I realize that I'm not a victim, and that I create my own reality and the Course teaches me to love myself ...


RAJ: I am going to interrupt. If you are not a victim, what are you? Does it not sound peculiar to walk around and run into people who say, "I am not a victim," "I am not a victim?" If you are not a victim, what then are you? Now, I am not going to tell you, but I am going to direct your attention to becoming aware of what it is you are if you are not a victim, so that you may begin to be able to identify yourself not by what you are not, but in terms of what you Are.


The Weekend, itself, will be defining you and exposing to you what you are. But be aware that it does sound a little bit peculiar to hear everyone present themselves as not being a victim. I am glad you are not a victim. You can be glad you are not a victim, but do not let that become the definition of what you are: "not a victim." If you are not a victim, you are something else.




QUESTION: One of the lessons in the Course says that we have no neutral thoughts and love created me like itself. I sometimes have a difficult time not feeling guilty because I have this new awareness, and yet I find it difficult not to give the ego power in certain situations. I perceive myself as being loving. I work with chemically addicted people, and yet at the same time I find it difficult at times in not judging or accepting people as much as I should. Then I feel negative about myself. Is there any process to get beyond this? I feel stuck at times.


RAJ: Can you imagine that I would feel guilty because I am working with you, "you poor unenlightened soul," and because there is something in me that doesn't let me be off playing or enjoying the divine reality? What is there in me that addicts me to working with you and others like you? [Said facetiously.]


Have compassion on yourself. Be gentle with yourself. If you have not arrived, you have not arrived. But it does not change the fact that any extension of love, any extension of compassion, any extension of caring to another, whether it is flawlessly done or not, has with it the unction of Love. It has all of the power of the Father in it. And it is significant. And you are totally lovable right where you are in your apparent ignorance.


I suggest that you be as compassionate with yourself as you are willing to be with those you are working with. And that you have the patience and the willingness to hang in there with yourself as much as you are willing to do the same thing for those you are working with. Until you are totally awakened there will be something the ego can point out in you that is unworthy. But, of course, that is the ego's function, because as long as it can keep you convinced of your unworthiness it will not lose its life, or its seeming existence. Do you see that?


You cannot be where you cannot be. And where you are is always at the threshold of clarification. That is truly where you always are. So, you are always in the best place you have ever been. And you are always at a point of appreciation. You are always at a point where you are worthy of valuing yourself. The saying is that "guilt is the gift that gives forever." Don't gift yourself with guilt. Don't let the ego gift you with guilt. You are the perfect Son of God -- flawless. And guilt is a trip that is laid upon the perfect Son of God -- a gift, which doesn't change the Son of God from being what he divinely Is. But if that Son or Daughter of God accepts the gift, then he or she blinds himself or herself to the experience of Joy, of guiltlessness.


Guilt is never justifiable, divinely speaking. Your claiming of your birthright is a matter of stepping beyond the verdict of "guilty," into an awareness of your fundamental divinity and your willingness to own it and act on the basis of it. That is why I suggested that you find out what it is you are if you are not a victim, because that is the way you step out of, completely, the designation and the meaning associated with "victim." It is only one standing in the wilderness who says, "I am not a slave." Until you find out what you are, you cannot step into the promised land. You can only declare that you are no longer what you were. That is a forward step, but it is not the end of the journey.


Every one of you was essentially, inviolably worthwhile as a slave -- as a "victim." And each one of you is experiencing more clearly your Integrity while you are in the wilderness -- while you are saying, "I am not a slave. I know for a fact that I am not a slave, and the evidence no longer says I am." But one must come into the clear experience of himself or herself as the Son or Daughter of God, and own it, and incorporate it, and act out from it.


Of course you are impatient at times. Of course at times you get tired of hearing the sad story. You will not always be overcome by it or dragged down by it. But, be reasonable and compassionate with yourself at the moment when you are not totally clear yet and you do become impatient. Don't use that as a justification for being down on yourself, because, you see, the moment you play into the guilt, you lose your peace, and when you lose your peace you lose your capacity, temporarily, to be the clarity of the Truth that heals.


Now, the experience you have of becoming impatient -- let's say unloving, or at least not unconditionally loving -- provides you with the opportunity for a little bit of self-discipline. And the self-discipline has to do with your inner decision as to whether you're going to choose for your peace or whether you're going to choose for your still-present ignorant ego response. You must exercise your power of decision and choose for your peace so that you may release the frustration and the guilt that the ego would lay on you. And thereby cause yourself to be a clearer transparency for Truth for those coming to you, and so that you may experience being the Integrity and the Love that is transformational. That is part of the way you take hold of and incorporate your birthright as the Son of God.


Part of owning your divinity is the willingness, as I said, to act out from It, which means making the choice between being reactive and being centered. The more you exercise that power of decision on behalf of your peace, the more you will find yourself bringing yourself into the clearer experience of your inviolable Integrity and your ability to experience what is truly lovable about you.


Be ever so patient with yourself. Do you know why? Because the guilt trip the ego would lay on you is a lie. I am patient with you because I don't believe what you are believing. I see what is true, and what is true is a pleasure to be in the presence of and requires no patience whatsoever. And where ignorance seems to be functioning is where the light is needed, and it is natural for the light to move in there.


So you see, I am not addicted to helping a "non-victim." It is to substantiate what is true about you, illuminate it to you, so that you can dare to hold it and embrace, and own it, and act out from it, and so that you may not labor indefinitely in the wilderness experience.


Again, extend to yourself the same patience, the same faithfulness that you extend to those you are working with. You deserve it, because you are no more what your ego suggests that you are than your clients are what their ego is suggesting to them that they are.



(The following questions and answers are from private conversations with Raj.)


QUESTION: My question is not so much a question as a dilemma. What I'm finding is that since the Vermont Workshop it's easy to forget. I find myself being pulled back into ego and answering from a level of ego that I don't want to answer from, and it isn't until I've answered that I see what I've done. Sometimes it takes awhile to see what I've done, and then I know enough to stop and try to go back. Then I see that I'm not connected to Being ...


RAJ: Now, this is perfectly understandable, and you are going to have to be very practical here. You are not going to be able to maintain this one hundred percent of the time. You will flip-flop back and forth. It is natural, and you need to flow with it in the sense of not using the flip-flopping as a means of justifying self-criticism or any form of distress with yourself. It is very much like an infant learning to walk, who falls down over and over again. Incorporate it into your process of Awakening, and do not resent it. You will find that the desire will not go away -- the desire, that is, to come from your Being -- and it will cause you to, shall I say, flip-flop less and less.


When you are, however, flipping back and forth, allow it. Do not make a mountain out of a molehill, and simply maintain your desire or intent to come from your Being as consistently as possible. This can become a hurdle that doesn't really hold the position of a hurdle. It doesn't really hold a position of being an actual block. It is a matter of the way in which an old habit is released.


Now, continue.


QUESTION: That is very much the gist of what I wanted the answer on. It's the flip-flop, and sometimes it's very painful to see. I'm glad you spoke those words of not getting into feeling guilty about it, because I don't, but it's more the pain of seeing it.


RAJ: But the pain is the result of a judgment about having flip-flopped. It is not inherent in the flip-flopping! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, move forward, and make no "deal" out of having "fallen off the horse."


QUESTION: The only other thing I wanted to know was anything I could know about this flip-flop process and what else I need to know now in order to be closer to Being on a fuller scale.


RAJ: I want to convey to you that when you come back involuntarily, out of habit, into the ego frame of reference, or the ego level, you are coming back to your "leading edge," which is not such a bad place to be, even though it is your desire to move beyond it. The child who puts himself at the threshold of learning to walk has already gotten past the stage of crawling, and is walking by means of holding onto things. So, at the point when he dares to brave the threshold of walking unassisted by stationary objects, he is crossing that threshold from a level that is beyond crawling. In other words, his starting point for his new venture is a point in advance of where he was when he was only crawling around on the floor.


It is important to understand that where you are, is not utterly ego-filled. It is not totally void of anything of value. So, you must not assume that if you are not coming from your Being, that you must necessarily be coming from a place that is not valuable at all. That is not the case. It is a point that is the furthest forward that you have ever been. So, although it is your desire to cast your trust beyond your accumulated knowledge and experience, you must not assume that your accumulated knowledge and experience is totally illusory. Although you do not want to remain where you are, where you are is full of value.


As I indicated in the Vermont Workshop, if there is the expression of love, even if it is coming from what you call your current ego level, it brings with it the unction of divine Love. It includes within itself that essential source of Love, and therefore, any degree of real love that you bring to a situation, even if your ego seems to be dominant, is the expression of something of essential Value. Whatever degree of intelligence you express is, to some degree, the presence of divine intelligence. Therefore, you do not have the basis for putting down everything about yourself when you are coming from what you call the ego level.


You will find that to the degree that you value your self right where you are, because you know that right where that self seems to be is your Self coming through to one degree or another, and to the degree that you value your Self as you let it come through, because your ego is not dominant, you will smooth the way for your "slipping" into your divinity effortlessly.


What I have described here is, perhaps, a tricky thing to do -- to value yourself right where you are, while at the same time not binding yourself to it. There is no need to carry the weight of an anchor of doubt when you find yourself inadvertently coming from the level of the ego. But the ego would suggest to you that you have erred, that you have done something worthy of self-criticism, and it does this and even appears to express a value in your attempt to wake up, because it blames you for not succeeding. But, the reason for this is that it increases the density of your three-dimensional or "ego" frame of reference. And it knows that this will hopefully keep you bound a little bit longer than you would otherwise be. So, it is extremely valuable for you to honor the best skill you have to bring to your daily affairs, even when you are not consciously coming from your Being, so that you don't bring self-criticism into play, which would in the end cause you to feel that it is hopeless to really continue to cast your trust into the "unknown," into your Being. Self-appreciation at all levels is the key.


You are not being tested and judged by any external source. You could say that you have the option to be ignorant or enlightened. But if you choose to be ignorant, voluntarily or involuntarily, you are not graded or condemned, except that the ego tends to condemn you for it. But, it is a liar, as I have indicated before, and it is not to be believed or joined with in its point of view. So, you must bring to your everyday "ego level activity" Self-appreciation. This does not mean that you appreciate your flaws or validate them, but it means that you bring an appreciation of your essential guiltlessness right when you are in the midst of what the ego presents as all of the justifications for guilt. It means that you acknowledge that in order for there to even seem to be an ego sense right where you are, there has to be, right where you are, the presence of what you divinely Are, unchanged from what God is manifesting Himself as, which looks like you.


As I indicated, the area or volume inside the shell that is constituted of the ego structures, that volume, that area, is full of the perfect presence of God. And what causes that not to be apparent is the fact that it seems to be separated from the rest of the Totality of what God is as your Individuality, separated by the ego structures. So, the self-appreciation, in terms of the acknowledgment of your guiltlessness right within the apparent ego frame of reference, is what constitutes the dynamic that dissolves the ego structures, because the ego structures depend upon your believing that all there is to you is what is embraced by the ego structures, and that there is, therefore, nothing essentially divine about that which is embraced by those ego structures.


Now, I am being totally serious here when I say, each day let there be a song in your heart; let there be a lilt to your attitude. Your desire to be coming from your Being without the insertion of any preconceptions, without the overlay of ego structures, will bring you to a point where you find yourself flip-flopping less and less. The "flop" will be gentler -- not as hard -- when you resist criticizing yourself or condemning yourself in any way because you have flopped. And if you will honor the threshold you are standing upon -- which is where you find yourself when you have flopped -- rather than moving yourself, perhaps, a few feet further back by means of self-criticism, you will find that you are doing the essential thing necessary for you to quickly and efficiently get back on track in terms of your forward movement.


What will promote your forward movement most efficiently at this time will be not reacting to the inevitable flip-flopping that results when an old habit is being broken, and rejoicing at the fact that the flip-flop is occurring at all, because it is the evidence you need that proves that you are not stuck or bound in the old frame of reference. Let the evidence of flip-flopping serve as that which buoys you up, because it is proving to you that the ego is losing its hold.


Don't tackle this whole process with a vengeance. The degree of willfulness you bring to it will cause the "flop" to feel more dynamic than it is. The movement is a natural inevitable movement. You are not going against the grain of your Being, and therefore you are not engaging in something fundamentally difficult when you are desiring to wake up and come from your Being. It does not take force. It takes consistency. But the consistency is a consistency of "letting," "allowing," which is the opposite of the exercise of effort.


You are not pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and turning something "lesser" into something "greater." You are uncovering or revealing the "more" that you have always Actually been.


That which is not the Son of God can never become the Son of God. That only can become the Son or Daughter of God, which has always been the Son or Daughter of God, but perhaps has not been aware of it. So, you are not transforming something innately human into something different that is divine, but you are allowing the illusion of an undivine humanhood to yield to a divinity that has never become or been less than what It is. It is truly effortless to be what you Are divinely. You will not understand until after this has happened, just exactly how much effort it has taken to maintain the ego.


Now, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the elegance of The Orient Express, as long as you do not forget to get off when you arrive at the destination -- as long as you do not become preoccupied with the "trip." Value yourself right where you are, even though you know that you are in the process of moving out of the illusion associated with where you are. What catches everyone up is valuing where they are to the point where they forget to "get off." They forget that there is a destination!


Now, I have really said, in more than one way, one thing. You are going to flip-flop. The flip-flopping will decrease. But when you "flop," know that you have flopped onto your leading edge, which is the most valuable place you have ever been, even though it is not the ultimate yet. And dare to utilize your best sense of principle, your best expression of love, your best sense of orderliness, your highest values, until you have reconnected with your Being and are in that Place where you are flowing and not needing to exercise principles or skills.


Understanding what I have shared with you is what will promote your forward movement, which was what you asked in your second question.



QUESTION: I've been enormously helped by New Age thinking. And, of course, I'm a tremendous disciple of Jesus. He has always been the guiding light in my life because of the vision he had and what he taught us that we are. And there's no doubt that the New Age principles are a great deal more in line with what he saw than the teachings of the Church are.


I want to know why, in the New Age, the Covenant is left out. There is no mention of it. It almost seems as if there is a deliberate attempt to avoid it. It is a promise, which is going to be filled to humanity. The dynamic theme all the way through scriptures, which the Church has consistently overlooked, is that "When I, God, act, then you will know who I am and you will know who you are."


In the New Age teachings this divine history, which fills all scripture from Genesis to Revelation, is not mentioned.


RAJ: Do you think that the fulfillment of prophecies and the fulfillment of promises in the past has necessarily happened with those involved truly being aware of the part they were playing, or the part that the events had in terms of the promises or prophecies while the dynamics were occurring? The Father's Will is demonstrated with or without the willingness of those involved. I want you to be aware that the promises are in the process of being fulfilled at this time, whether those "in the New Age" are consciously aware of it in those terms or not!


Now, how is the Father going to manifest himself as the presence of individual man or woman if there is not an increased self-respect and self-love that emerges within conscious human individualities? This emergence may not be coming in Biblical terms, or even in terms of Biblical or historical divine promise, but afterwards everyone will be able to look back and see that, indeed, the promise was fulfilled. So, do not be in any way discouraged because the language and the concepts are not there in their specificness yet.


There is an integrity to conscious human individuality because at the bottom line it is absolutely divine and not truly human in any way (in the sense of being a material organism). For the Father to introduce His Presence without distortion of any kind, suddenly, would constitute such a discontinuity of experience that there would be no sense of identity left. So, there will be this transformation that will seem to take time, and there will be, as you indicated, a timeliness of things, even though from an eternal standpoint it will not take any time at all. And there will have been no limit of the expression of God to time.


The fulfillment is occurring -- the fulfillment of the Covenant, the Promise. Do not worry that the concepts and words are not totally up front while it is happening.


QUESTION: Can you give me your feeling about Jesus' statement that he made to the Samaritan woman that "salvation is of the Jews"? I want to know more about the truth of how God is acting in human history as it applies to that statement.


RAJ: It will, in the not too far distant future, become clear that as a conscious group of the Brotherhood of Man, the Jews were the first to begin the movement back to enlightened conscious being. As I said, Reality has been going on with complete fulfillment, and in Its Totality, always. To use your terms, it has existed as the potential at all times. For those who were "caught" in the unenlightened three-dimensional frame of reference, there had to be those who grasped the potential, who connected in some way with their fundamental Integrity, and began to act upon it. And the Jewish people were the ones who acted consciously first, setting the tone and establishing the presence of a Path which all would sooner or later follow. They not only got lost for forty years, but have, for the past 2000 years lost the direction, but not the commitment. And they still stand as the representative of the Christ dawning in human thought as conscious human individuality.


All were chosen, you might say. But not all chose to act on their deep awareness or Memory of their Integrity. So, those who did choose to act, became identifiably "the chosen ones" in practice. Even though no one else was unchosen, they did not render practical the fact that they were chosen.


Now the Gentiles -- the rest of mankind -- are tending to wake up, to have a clear sense of the direction in which to move, while the Israelites are still fumbling. Their place in the history of the process of Awakening cannot be changed. And, as I said, it will become obvious to everyone the magnitude of the role they dared to play and the degree to which their willingness to play it has contributed to everyone else's Awakening.



[The following is a question from the Essex, Massachusetts Workshop, A Weekend With Raj, held June 13-14, 1987.]


QUESTION: Would you address the subject of tithing? It seems to be a focus point in all of the New Age thinking, particularly for prosperity. I'm curious as to whether or not it is a part of the ego telling me that yes, indeed, I must tithe in order to succeed, or whether it is valid.


RAJ: The only thing that you can cast upon the waters and have come back to you ten-fold is your willingness to acknowledge Reality right where It seems not to be going on. Acknowledging Reality where It seems not to be going on is Love. Love can be expressed in many ways, one of which is the giving of money, but you can tithe with hugs, also, and get many hugs back.


If the love is not there as the motivator of the act of tithing objects, or things, or actions, nothing will be returned to you. Do not waste your money tithing if there is no accompanying real feeling of love.


Understand also that the simple expression of love does not limit the ten-fold response to the particular act or the particular intent of the expression of love. Therefore, you might give a dollar, and instead of getting ten dollars, you might get many, many hugs, many smiles, many expressions of appreciation. Whatever meets your need at the moment is what will be reflected back to you, because you have extended not an object, but a capacity you have to recognize the Truth right where it seems not to be going on, and that is healing.


Obviously, if you are doing something which is healing, your world is going to report back to you better health, which could very well mean for you an increase in your income. But it also could mean the smoothing out of a relationship you are having, or the ironing out of a difficulty you are having at work.


Again, the only thing which will give you a ten-fold response, is the act of love, and the act of love is the willingness on your part to see the Truth where It doesn't seem to be going on. That is the principle of tithing. It is not a way to get an armlock on the Universe to make it give you what you think you need. Love is a gift that has no strings attached. And it is a gift to yourself!


Love is talked about a lot as something you give to another. But, love is the lowering of your own defenses so that you can see the divine Reality where It is going on in Actuality, and you are not refusing to see It because your ego is reacting to the ego presentation of your world. So, the act of love is the act of letting in Reality -- seeing It where It seemed not to be present from the ego standpoint. And as a result of that act of love, uncovering and illuminating Reality where It didn't seem to be going on. And as a result of that, having a world reflecting back to you more of what it truly is, and apparently being an improved circumstance, whether it is money, or whether it is a relationship -- no matter what it might be.


The ego takes Reality and your spiritual path of Awakening and turns it into processes of control, if it can. But waking up is the reducing of your defense against experiencing It. It isn't a manipulation of anything "out-there." And the reason that it comes back ten-fold is because your increased clarity, your increased experience of Reality, causes the general consciousness in the world to be less dense, and everyone is blessed equally. So the benefit is compounded and returned to you with interest, because you cannot do a single thing all by yourself. If you wake up a little bit, everyone has woken up a little bit!



Conversations with Raj is published monthly by Kairos, Inc., P.O. Box 71280, Seattle, Washington, U.S.A., 98107. Phone: 206-789-7615. Subscription price, prepaid, one year $36.00; single copy $4.00. Copyright 1987 by Paul Norman Tuttle. All rights reserved. 


Conversations with Raj is made up of actual questions and answers drawn, with permission, from private conversations with Raj and public Workshops. Rajpur, an Ascended Master, is an Individuality making himself known by means of conscious channeling through Paul Norman Tuttle for the purpose of facilitating the major shift of consciousness which mankind is entering into.