VOL. 4, NO. 12





On our return from the Weekend with Raj in Winnipeg, Manitoba this fall, Raj surprised us by indicating that it was time to form a non-profit organization that would become operational in January of 1988.


In the days to come he stated that the purpose of the organization would be to "chronicle the advent of the dawning of the fundamental divinity of Individuality in human consciousness; to facilitate and support this shift of consciousness by means of gathering, publishing, and disseminating all information provided by Rajpur; and to be responsible to hold this material free from alteration in any way from its original form and intent."


Thus began an interesting adventure into the world of Articles of Incorporation and By-Laws, which indeed, will take form on January 4, 1988 as ESTAR Foundation -- the name being provided by Raj. As of January 1988, this Newsletter, Conversations with Raj, will be published by ESTAR, and all communications, questions, and placement of subscriptions should be directed to ESTAR, rather than Kairos.


I would like to express my deepest appreciation to Ken and Sally Eyer and to Kairos for its wonderful and loving efforts in publishing Conversations with Raj and for doing such a beautiful job.


Paul Norman Tuttle

Executive Director


ESTAR Foundation

1221 Toledo Street

Bellingham, WA 98226

(206) 734-4418



[The following questions and answers are from private conversations with Raj.]


QUESTION: Are the words "God" and "Father" synonymous for What Is?


RAJ: If they are understood correctly, yes. We could also say that Father/Mother is appropriate.


QUESTION: And "Christ" is the expression of the Father?


RAJ: Exactly.


QUESTION: And that means that the Christ is expressing Isness?


RAJ: Absolutely.


QUESTION: And the Holy Spirit?


RAJ: The Christ expresses Isness, as you said, and nothing else. Yet, man, unaware of his or her Christhood, seems to be expressing something in addition to Isness -- which, if we want to play with words, can be called that which "is-not."


As long as man is identifying himself/herself as something other than pure Isness, as long as mankind is not experiencing its Christ-hood, then the Christ-hood of Individuality must be accounted for. It does not go anywhere. It is simply an unconscious experience. And the best way to describe that unconscious experience is through the words Holy Ghost, or Holy Spirit. I have expressed it in the past as one's divinity held in trust while one dallies with the ego sense.


The Holy Spirit is one's divinity held in trust -- apparently an unconscious experience, but one that is nevertheless present, one that is nevertheless felt, because it is constantly asserting Itself in the face of one's defense against It. In actuality, all there is is the Father expressing Himself. The expression is the Christ, the Son of God, the expression of God -- God's Self-expression. In other words, I am stressing the fact that God's expression is not something separate from or different from God. Therefore, the only appropriate description of the expression of God is the Christ -- the pure, undistorted conscious experience of Reality of that which God is being.


The Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit will only seem to be a third part of the Wholeness as long as man is holding himself to be something created by some other means than the Self-expression of the Father -- as long as man is seeing himself as a limited ego sense. The moment you experience your Self as the Presence of the Father, as soon as you yield to the Will of the Father, allowing That to be your will, for you the Holy Spirit will cease to be. Since your divinity no longer needs to be held in trust because it is not being denied, it no longer will be experienced as something unconsciously present. Then there will be the Father being the Son. Which means the Father being the Father. Yet conscious Individuality will not cease to be, because that is some aspect of the infinite Self-expression of God.


The third part of the Trinity will cease to be a means of expressing the Wholeness of Being when man is no longer holding himself separate and apart from the Father.


QUESTION: If the Father is Isness, itself, then what does "the Will of the Father" mean?


RAJ: Let me put it this way. Isness is not like a lump of Silly Putty -- something that just sogs, something that just immovably is. Isness is Life. Life has intent. It is a movement. It is a movement of intelligence, and therefore order, or harmony. Is is a verb. Isness indicates movement, and since it is a movement of intelligence, it could be described as the expression of Will. Not Will exerted over something, but intent that constitutes the Nature of the movement of That Which Is, Itself. It is an absolute expression of Integrity.


QUESTION: How does one know the Will of the Father?


RAJ: The most valuable way I can express it is that when you are in perfect alignment with the movement of your Being, there is an awareness of perfect flawlessness, an experience of Integrity, an experience of Life, of conscious being, that has no extraneous or superfluous elements to it. By comparison with the "normal" ego experience of life, this experience of Integrity is profoundly meaningful. It is as though the Whole of you, infinitely speaking, is illuminated from within, where there is an awareness that every aspect is beautifully woven into an ever-changing design that is pure Art, pure Beauty -- a moving tapestry that is not moving toward perfection, but a movement of perfection that is forever making itself new and constituting Revelation. This experience is perfectly identifiable.


Since you are the direct expression of the Father, then the Father's Will will be experienced as your complete congruence with what you divinely Are. It will be experienced as your integrity, as your joy, as your fulfillment. And you need not worry, there will be no way for you to think that this fulfillment is your private possession, because part of the experience of this Integrity is that all sense of your tininess yields to a profound experience of infinity that is all-embracing.


You have glimpses of this from time to time. They are tastes of Reality, tastes of your Reality. You will not be able to touch base with the Will of the Father by reaching out into the vastness of the Universe. The only place you will experience the Will of the Father is in your getting in touch with Who You genuinely and really Are. It is right in the center of you that the Father's Will exists as your experience of your Integrity. Again, remember that when I am using the word "integrity," it means purity.


If you have a glass of pure water, it means there is not a single atom or element unlike water, and therefore the integrity of that volume of water is not violated. There is not a spot where anything but it is. When there is no spot in your experience of yourself that is different from what you divinely Are, then from within the volume of What You Are, your experience of What You Are becomes undivided, and therefore the Wholeness of you is available to be experienced because there is nothing dividing it up. So, the experience of your Self is the experience of the Whole, because the illusion of division is gone. In this way your understanding of the word "integrity" as I am using it is enlarged.


QUESTION: Can man defeat the Will of God?


RAJ: It is impossible. Man can ignore, hide from, cover up the Will of the Father momentarily, even though it seems that it embraces lifetimes. But, it is an assumptive, absolutely insubstantial, imaginary expression of a will apart from the Father. It accomplishes nothing but temporary ignorance on the part of the one flaunting his imagined capacity to have a will of his own in the Presence of the only Will there is.


QUESTION: In one sense, or maybe in every sense, what you're saying is that it's not really possible to become lost and not find one's way home, except momentarily?


RAJ: One's sense of being lost is occurring in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven. One imagines himself to be lost at Home. There is no other place to be awake or asleep. And the one who thinks he is asleep and dreaming a dream is doing it only in the imagination, right in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven. He imagines he is lost when he is Home. There is no way to accomplish "being lost," and that is why I have indicated over and over again that everyone will wake up! It will not just be 144,000 that will be taken up. There will be no one left out, because no one left Home.



[The following are excerpts from the Winnipeg, Manitoba Workshop, A Weekend with Raj, held September 26-27, 1987. After greeting the group Sunday morning and commenting on the agitation and expectation, Raj made the following opening statement.]


What you need to understand is that the pressure you are feeling is the pressure of your divinity pushing against your ego limits and dissolving them and that all that is required of you is to allow it. Love is, indeed, the Art of Giving, of allowing the Love that you are to flow -- not blocking It. It doesn't take effort. It takes the absence of effort. It takes great effort to hold back the flow of your essential Being.


You are conditioned to believe that things happen because of effort you put forth. And because of this it is almost incomprehensible to you that your experience of enlightenment and your experience of your emerging divinity will happen without your lifting your little finger; that it will happen because you are ceasing to exercise the control that squelches it. This is why it is so important to learn how to be still. It is a way of relaxing. It is a way of getting out of the mode of "doing," so that the inevitable movement of your Being can be the Presence that You Are. So, today I encourage you to do less. I encourage you to relax more. But don't turn relaxing into work.


When a flower, like a daisy or a rose, opens, it opens because the center of the flower is pushing out. In pushing out, it pops back the green protective leaves that are covering the bud, and the flower opens because the very center of the flower is emerging.


The very center of You is emerging. The ego is like the green leaves that encase the bud, and the green leaves must give up their hold on the bud. As you stop investing energy in your ego sense of yourself, and you begin to shift your attention, your love, your honoring to your essential Being -- even though at the moment you only are experiencing it as pressure and you don't know what the pressure is about -- that which holds the ego together, encasing your essential Being, will give up its hold. There won't be enough strength there to continue to encase you in a bondage, a limited experience. But, you are going to have to entrust yourself to your emerging divinity, and you are going to have to do it without knowing ahead of time what that divinity is in detail.


Now, there is something that all of you need to be clear on. There is You in your divine Totality, which at the moment you are not experiencing totally, and this divine Totality is infinite -- infinite meaning "having no boundary." Then, somewhere in the middle of this infinity there is this little tiny circle. It is actually a shell [sphere] encasing part of this Totality, seeming to separate the part of the Totality that is inside the shell from the Totality that is outside of the shell.


The shell is constituted of ego structures, ego beliefs, mind sets conditionings. In other words, it is the shell that constitutes the ego. What is within the shell is the same divine substance as that which is outside the shell. Therefore, in spite of your ego sense of yourself that keeps you from experiencing what you Are in your Totality, That of You, which is present within the circumscription of the shell, is absolutely divine. So, you must not think of yourself, right now, as being an ego, which is totally illusory.


The reason you have an inner awareness that there is more to you and more to life than you are experiencing is because that part of the Totality that is encased in the shell is divine and does remember. And It desires to experience Its Integrity, undivided from what It is in Its Totality.


As That of You, which is present right in the middle of your ego sense of yourself, honors Itself more than the ego, the shell begins to dissolve. That of You, which is on the outside of the shell, which I have referred to as the Holy Spirit can penetrate the shell, and That which is inside the shell can connect with and experience Its greater integrity because of the dissolving of the shell.


The Holy Spirit is the disowned part of your Self, which is held in trust while you dally with the ego, believing that you are only that which is encased within the ego structures. Now, again, because That which is embraced within the ego structures is exactly the divine substance that constitutes the Totality of your Being outside the shell, you have the capacity to know the Truth at all times. This is why you can dare to trust yourself more completely than you do.


Even within the confines of the ego structures, You are forever Who and What you divinely Are, even though It is experienced in a limited way. This is the reason you can start right where you are to love yourself.


The shell constitutes the "little gap" between the present sense of yourself and your actual divine Being. It is very thin. It is actually just a suggestion of a shell. And I mean that in exactly the same way that the word "suggestion" is used in hypnotism. It is suggested that you are not in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven. It is suggested that you are worthless. It is suggested that you do not have enough integrity to recognize Truth. It is the ego, which suggests it.


I want to point out that the ego is a mesmerizer, and that which is attempting to mesmerize you is not capable of enforcing any of its suggestions. You must take the suggestion. You must decide to validate it. And then you must act accordingly. Now, you can object. Because That to which the suggestion is being made is absolutely divine, It has the authority to refuse to believe what is not true. It has the authority to maintain Its Integrity.


Shall I say that waking up is a matter of becoming unhypnotized! You must be careful that you do not conceive of the ego as being actual and therefore a formidable opponent. It is, itself, a suggestion of a presence other than the Presence of God, and its function is to suggest to you that you are something different from the Presence of God. That is why I said that the devil is a liar and the father of it -- meaning, the father of the lie. The suggester and the suggestion both are illusions! And there is no requirement for you to honor the suggester or the suggestion.


Now, one further point you need to understand. Your Being is one infinite integrated Whole, in spite of the little shell of ego structures that cause you not to experience your divine Totality. Its integrity as a Whole has never been violated, actually, by the suggestion of a shell, the suggestion of separation. Therefore, the Integrity of your Being, both without and within the shell, is intent upon reestablishing your conscious experience of your Integrity -- your integratedness.


This is why it takes no work on your part to wake up. It is the suggester; it is the ego, which must constantly work to reinforce its structure, to maintain that little gap, so that its sense of its existence may be maintained. When you relax, when you let go of control, the investment of the necessary energy -- the willingness to believe the suggestion -- is withdrawn, and the little gap begins to close, because the integrity of That which is within and without the shell is intent upon being manifested or experienced consciously by You in your Totality.


In other words, when you, as a little ego, get out of the way, what you Are divinely takes over, because it is what is real. It is what is Actual. It is what is eternal. It is the omnipotent Presence of the Father constituting all there is to your Individuality.


The reason becoming still is so important, the reason listening is so important, is because both of those dynamics involve the absence of activity. And since you are approaching your experience of your divinity from the ego level, because the ego is what you are emerging out of, this quietness, this act of listening -- rather than talk, talk, talk, talk, talking, and blocking -- automatically constitutes the cessation of the activity of the ego and its self-substantiation. This allows the Integrity and omnipotence of your divine Being to assert Itself. Where? Right at the level of your conscious awareness as your experience of your greater capacity to be aware.


So, you are feeling pending blossoming? Now, this will not be the last time. And I want you to think about this: Here is this beautiful rosebud, all wrapped up in its protective covering of green leaves. It feels its beautifulness, even as an encased bud. Everything is wonderful. Everything is "on target." It feels that it is on its Path.


Then, things begin to get cramped, and tighter, and tighter. And it says, "Oh, dear. What did I do to deserve this? Is this karma? Was I not thinking the right thoughts? Where did I get off the track? This doesn't feel good. Therefore, it can't be a divine activity. All of a sudden things have gone to hell. It must be that blossom over there! Worse yet, it must be that lady who takes care of my plant. She hasn't watered me lately." Yet, all that is happening is that the very center of that blossom is pushing against the limit of the green leaves encasing the bud.


If you are feeling pressure when you haven't felt pressure before, it means you are up against something. Instead of becoming preoccupied with the "something" you are up against, be aware that the pressure of your divinity, the very center of You, is emerging more clearly as your conscious awareness, pushing against limits you didn't know you had. It is a cause for rejoicing. It is not cause for strengthening the security of the green leaves encasing the bud! It is time for an allowingness, a willingness to unite with your divinity, your essential Being, which is insisting upon bringing you, at your conscious level of awareness, into the clearer experience of your divinity.


All it calls for is yielding. It does not call for finding the right thoughts to think, or seeing that this blossom "over here" behaves itself, or changes. It doesn't mean finding out what it was you did in a past life that you are now paying for with this cramped experience of pressure. The pressure is a now thing. It has nothing to do with "three rose bushes ago." And the pressure in the now is the pressure of your divinity -- the Reality of You pressing against the false suggestions that the ego is making to you.


So, we will take a short break. We will come back and watch the rose bloom -- be the rose blooming.



QUESTION: Do you think I can learn how to love?


RAJ: Do I think you can learn how to love? The ego is a real bastard, because it is suggesting something to you that is a lie, and that is that you are not capable of loving, that you are not loving. And yet everything about you is loving, and everyone who knows you, knows you are loving. That is the way they experience you. And it is not because they are looking at you with particularly divine sight that allows them to see beyond. It is because you, right here, right now, are one who sees others undefendedly, who does not encase herself in judgment against others as her "style."


You know, as I have said before in other groups, every single one of you, right as you sit here, is sitting right in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven with your eyes all squinched up, saying, "I cannot see the perfection." And you are sitting in the middle of being the presence of a very loving person, saying, "I can't see that I am loving. Will I ever really be able to love? Will I ever really be able to love?"


The ego is attempting to cover up something that is actively present, and hoodwink you into believing that it is absent. You don't have to become loving. You are! And, I am not telling you some absolute spiritual fact in spite of the way you behave unlovingly. I am telling you that at this moment, at your present point of unfoldment, you are loving! And an illusion is being foisted off on you by your ego.


Now, I am going to suggest to you that every day you wear an imaginary placard that says, "I am loving and competent." You know, metaphysically speaking, there is a practice of saying something over and over to make it come true, to make it manifest in your experience. To be aware of this statement in your case -- that "I am loving and competent" -- is to bring you to a point of being aware that the manifestation of it is already present -- not so that you can become loving.


I am not going to do it, but I would like to take you by the shoulders and shake you like a rubber doll and say, "How can you not see the loving presence that you are? Wake up!" It stands out all over you. Being a loving individual is already an accomplished fact for you.


Now, the one who told you, as a child, that you were ungrateful and unloving was stating his perception, his limited perception. And you do not need, as an adult, to extend the childish naivete of believing that this one in authority knew what he was talking about into your adult life.


You are not a child any more, and you can think and be from the adult in you. And you can understand that the child in you knew no better, but the adult in you does. So, it is time to put away childish things, including childish, naive ignorance. And it is time to put your full weight into your adult shoes -- and your full weight ought to do it!


QUESTION: Why did you say that?


RAJ: If I were talking to a spindly character, that individual would very likely not have a sense of having much substance to herself to stand fully and substantially in her adulthood. Although you would prefer not to have so much "substantiality," you are able to feel that, indeed, you are quite a presence. And therefore, my statement connected with you, and your sense of, shall I say, sturdiness, and that there is something about you physically that is not easily moved.


I am not being funny here. I said it so that the statement could connect with an inner self-feeling, so that the meaning would be most clear and significant for you. To stand fully in your adult shoes, letting your full weight rest in your adult shoes, and the fact that that ought to do the trick, was a way of communicating to you your authority and your power as an adult over the childish naive ignorance that has trailed along with you into your adulthood and caused you to overlook the obvious -- that, indeed, you are loving, and that you don't need to labor under the idea that you aren't. It was said with humor, and with love, and with wisdom.



QUESTION: I want to ask about my anger toward myself.


RAJ: If one is feeling less than glad, less than joyous, less than at peace, then the ego suggests that someone or something is to blame. And if the ego cannot find anyone "out-there" to blame, then it blames you. Except that from your standpoint it feels as though if you cannot find anyone or anything out there to blame, then the logical conclusion is that there is something wrong with you.


So, you blame yourself. You lay a guilt trip upon yourself. Then, in the presence of that guilt, you become very awkward. You are self-conscious. You are down on yourself, and as a result, you tend not to act or behave smoothly, and you make mistakes. That makes you even more guilty, and it creates a justification for not only feeling guilty, but for being truly upset with yourself, angry at yourself. And, you know what? You're caught in the game. And part of the game, then, is that you must somehow do something to deserve redemption. The only thing is that redemption is not likely to come because you will make too many mistakes on the way, and you will blame yourself and drag yourself right back down into the pit.


Again: The only way to win the game is not to play the game at all, or get out of it quickly if you ignorantly started playing the game. Again: Getting out of the game feels like failure. It's like saying, "Back to square one. Everything that I did was of no benefit. Poor me." And, you're back in the game! I want you to understand that "moving back to square one," means moving back to your purity, moving back to your innocence. Is that a loss? No. That is a gain.


You must begin to be willing to appreciate and love yourself for no good reason at all! You must be willing to love and appreciate yourself unjustifiably! You must dare to love and appreciate yourself without being required to prove that what you are doing is intelligent or right. You must dare to love and appreciate yourself "just because."


If the argument presents itself, "But, I don't deserve it. Look at such and such," counter it by saying, "I don't have to deserve it!"


No matter how much the ego sense of yourself covers your divinity up, no matter how shitty it makes you look and feel and smell, it doesn't change what is underneath the shit! Your innocence and your purity are untouched and available to you if you will not react to the suggestion, the malicious suggestion of the ego that you are what you appear and "smell" to be.


You don't have to have a good reason to love yourself. Just start doing it! You don't have to find out why you hate yourself. All you have to do is stop playing the game. In daring to love yourself when it doesn't make any sense at all to do so, you, at your conscious level, are bringing yourself into alignment with the Father's experience of you as the expression of Himself. You are bringing your SELF "within the shell" into conscious alignment with That which you divinely Are "outside the shell," and that alignment causes the breakdown of the shell. But from the ego's standpoint it is going to be the most ridiculous, idiotic, and unreasonable thing you can do. And you can say, "So what? I'm going to do it anyway."


The place the ego will catch you up particularly is that it will ask you to justify and prove why you deserve to be loved, and you had better not move one inch in the direction of doing it. You don't have to have a reason to love, appreciate, and value yourself. It is your birthright. You don't have to earn it, but you are going to have to make the choice between self-criticism and hate and self-appreciation and love.


You are going to do it. But you must remember that it doesn't have to make sense! I suggest that you write on a piece of paper, "I love myself and it doesn't have to make sense," and put it somewhere where you will see it often.



[The following questions and answers are from private conversations with Raj.]


QUESTION: Do you see any core beliefs that are keeping me from accepting my good, besides guilt?


RAJ: I want to make something very clear: Guilt is always nothing more than a suggestion of guiltiness which the ego makes, and which you have the option to pick up on or disregard. The ego functions hypnotically, in that it makes suggestions, and only suggestions, and makes them in compelling ways. But, nevertheless, you always have the option, as you would with a hypnotist, to not validate the suggestion.


You can never be convicted by a guilt that has been suggested by something which is incapable of speaking the truth. This is a very important point to understand, because you become hooked by virtue of being able to justify the suggestions that are made to you, and you then incarcerate yourself in the convicted feeling. But, the simple fact is that your Individuality forever stands clear of those suggestions and even the "conviction" that you come to of your guilt. It has never ever been touched by or affected by your conviction or the suggestions the ego has put forth.


It [your individuality] has always been and always will be nothing more and nothing less than the direct and flawless expression of God. In other words, your individuality always stands forth in its innocence. It is incapable of actually being anything else, and it is impossible for it to be altered. But, if you are willing to hook into the suggestion of guilt and validate it, you can engage yourself in a deluded perception of your ever present innocent Individuality.


So, it is going to be important for you to begin to claim your innocence -- not as a means of defending yourself against the ego, but as a means of acknowledging the unalterable Fact about You, so that at the conscious level of your awareness your thinking becomes congruent with what has always been the truth about You. In that congruency you provide the environment, the conditions in which the suggestions of guilt and the convictions that have accrued will dissolve for lack of any further investment of your energy in those suggestions and convictions.


QUESTION: Is there something in my past that is keeping me from total opening up of my heart? I feel the love. I sometimes feel like wanting to dive into my heart, and that there's a part of me that's like a little brat, a little kid that says, "No, I'm not going to do it!"


RAJ: The "little brat" in you, as you put it, is the part of you that does not see its innocence, and thereby lives by its wits in the attempt to slip out of the grasp of the "penalty" due as a result of the conviction that will come from the guilt being proven. It is a slippery little guy.


Now, the way to find release from it lies in your willingness to connect with your innocence, to sense into your innocence. You see, the willingness to see your innocence in the face of your apparent convictions, is the act of Love, and that is what brings your heart into play, and that is why it is transformational and apparently healing. I say "apparently" because healing is just the uncovering of the illusion of the "need to be healed." It is the revealing of your innocence -- your forever-existing innocence. It is not the turning of a guilty "you" into an innocent "you." It is the disclosure that you never were guilty.



Conversations with Raj is made up of actual questions and answers drawn, with permission, from private conversations with Raj and public Workshops. Rajpur, an Ascended Master, is an Individuality making himself known by means of conscious channeling through Paul Norman Tuttle for the purpose of facilitating the major shift of consciousness which mankind is entering into.


Conversations with Raj Is published monthly by Kairos, Inc., P.O. Box 71280, Seattle, Washington, U.S.A., 98107. Phone: 206-789-7615. Subscription price, prepaid, one year $36.00; single copy $4.00. Copyright 1987 by Paul Norman Tuttle. All rights reserved.