<!-- saved from url=(0022)http://internet.e-mail -->CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ
Volume 3, Number 4
QUESTION: Will I ever be consciously aware of Who I Am in this lifetime?
RAJ: You will, yes. Understand that knowing Who You Are is the most natural thing in life. It is not complicated or difficult. It is just that you are not used to paying attention. Therefore, do not conceptualize it or think about it as something that will be very difficult. The key is to desire to experience the divinity, the divine Reality, of You.
You see, the only reason one does not experience It is because one does not believe that he is divine Being, and thinks he is one of the many creatures existing on your planet. As a result, it does not occur to him to think about himself divinely. But, it doesn’t change the ever present fact of his divine Presence.
You are conscious at this moment. If you are conscious, then that which you divinely Are is totally present at this instant. It is not something you are working toward. It is not an achievement that exists off in the future somewhere to be gained only by struggle. It is not something unnatural to you that you must make your own. Therefore, the process is easy. It only seems difficult because the achievement has been imagined to be a complex process.
Again, you are right now, really, absolutely like me. You are pure divine Being, the direct expression—the daughter—of God. The process of Awakening is a process of allowing that Fact to rise to the conscious level of your awareness, and what will cause it to rise is your desire to experience it.
Of course, in order for you to desire it, you have to have assumed that there is a divinity to your Being that is present. And that is the first step—the acknowledgment, even if you cannot totally believe it, that you are pure divine Being, and that there is no actual way that you could ever become less than what God created you to be. His work could never become less than the full expression of His Love and Creativity. Therefore, at this instant, even though you do not see it, you stand as the full representation of His Love and Creativity.
Waking up is simply the releasing of limited Self-appreciation, limited Self-definition. This does require a certain courage, because you have been conditioned to think that you are far less, and that it is presumptuous and arrogant to think as well of yourself as I have just described you. But, it isn’t arrogance. It is the truth. And acknowledging it constitutes Wisdom. So, you can dare to have the courage to acknowledge that your Being never ever became less than what God created It to be, and that Its absolute divinity is present for you to discern and experience.
QUESTION: How can I justly say that I am truly a pure and divine person when I do not act and think and speak in this manner?
RAJ: Your behavior always evolves out of the way you see yourself. It comes forth from what you believe about yourself. If you feel that you are worthy of critical judgment, you will act, to one degree or another, as a condemned person, as a judged person. You cannot help but then behave in a way that is not identifiable as divine.
It is difficult for a judged or guilty person to express love easily, because guilt causes a sense of unworthiness, of unlovableness. Yet, this incapacity to express love, because of a feeling of unworthiness, has all arisen out of the feeling of having been judged, and judged guilty, and that judgment has arisen out of an incomplete perception of Who You Really Are.
So, it is understandable that you would behave the way you behave, because you do not really know and feel the divine Reality of You. What you feel is the inadequacy of a judged and guilty person. This is not to be condemned, because that adds judgment upon judgment. And, literally, the only solution there is is to make a correction in the self-image or self- perception.
You must be willing to understand that it is reasonable for you to behave the way you are behaving when you believe that you are a fundamentally guilty entity, so that you can release judgment upon yourself for that, and then begin to honor, to whatever degree you are able, that divine spark of divinity in you, which you know is there in spite of your doubt.
Now, I am encouraging you with my perspective of you, which is not distorted by your doubt and your feeling of guilt, and I am doing this so that you might more easily feel that it is reasonable to consider yourself actually, really, as the sinless expression of the Father.
You see, to whatever degree you buy into the feeling of being guilty, you then set yourself up for having to pay penance. Paying penance always involves time. You would not “be allowed” to pay all at once. That would not constitute much of a penalty. Yet, I tell you that the moment you are willing to invalidate the sense of guilt and replace it with a clear sense of your innocence in God’s eyes, and of your innocence because of what you Are as His direct expression, and the fact that never, in Reality, could you ever have become less than his perfect expression, then the guilt and the punishment will no longer confront you, and you will begin to wake up.
The sense of guilt is a dream. It is an illusion. It is an illusion that seems real because you are not consciously, fully aware of the divine Reality of your Being at this instant. But your ignorance doesn’t change the Reality. It simply temporarily blinds you to It. And, there is no penalty for believing the illusion, other than the temporary blindness that it creates.
If your son is lying in bed asleep, tossing fretfully and moaning, you know he is having a nightmare. Do you judge him for that? Would you punish him for that? No. You would wake him up, because you know that the nightmare he is experiencing isn’t real. Likewise, your Father knows that the dream, the temporary illusion, which seems so real to you of your guilt, is not real, and He would no more judge you or cause you to pay a penalty for it than you would your son in his nightmare.
It is your Father’s desire for you to wake up and realize Who You Are right at the instant that you seem to be in the middle of the nightmare, so you will be free of the nightmare, free of the sense of guilt, free of the sense of unworthiness. So, you see, it is of extreme value for you to acknowledge your absolute innocence, your absolute divinity, and then desire for it to pierce the dream, you might say, to register with you at your conscious level of awareness. That is the whole point.
Now, again, your son is tossing and turning on the bed, moaning, in the middle of a nightmare. From within his nightmare, he feels fully justified in being frightened. He feels fully motivated to flee in fear. But what he is running from is nothing other than an image arising from his imagination. Likewise, that which causes you to feel guilty is an illusion manufactured by the imagination, which has no basis in intelligence, which has no basis in what is Real.
Even though it seems totally justifiable from within your present frame of reference, from your Father’s point of view and from my point of view it is not real, and it is not a valid reason for continuing to feel guilty. Therefore, you are not being irresponsible to desire to wake up, any more than your son is being irresponsible if he chooses no longer to run from the “threat” that is on his heels, and dynamically wrenches himself out of his nightmare and wakes up.
QUESTION: I understand the example of my son having a nightmare. But in my life I am guilty of things that to me are not illusions. You say I am sinless. If that is true, what the hell am I to base sin on? If a person commits a murder, what is that? An illusion? If he takes another life what is that? If he goes into the store and steals something, what is that? Are they illusions, or are they factual happenings?
In my case we’re not dealing with murder or stealing, but in looking back, I see parts of my life and how the hell can someone “so divine” be involved in things like that? What nature was that? What was that in me? Was that illusion? How can I understand the difference between illusion and Fact?
RAJ: Understand that if you truly felt your divinity, you would not have behaved in the way that you behaved. The behavior arose out of ignorance of the truth about You. Now, this is not really surprising, because no one in your life, when you were growing up was truly conscious of their divinity. So, you were taught, precept upon precept, about your shortcomings, shall we say. You were taught of your limitation.
You were not taught of your unlimitedness. You were not taught about your natural abundance. That is not to say you were not taught about God. But, it was not clearly expressed to you that all that God is is what constitutes your Nature and your Individuality. You were taught that you must strive hard to become worthy. Even as a child that kind of programming, that kind of teaching, made it clear to you that you must therefore be unworthy at the moment and that you must work hard to achieve worthiness. You were programmed to be ignorant because those teaching you did not have the larger vision.
Now, are they guilty for your sense of guilt that arose out of their teaching? Is society guilty because it presents the idea that you must work by the sweat of your brow to become successful, and that if you do not meet its standards of success, you are a failure? No.
You see, the concept of guilt, itself, must be dropped, because each one is coming from his highest sense of right. Each one is trying the best he can with the information he has to live his life in a fulfilling way. This includes the murderer and the thief. Based on the information he has, no matter how ignorant it is, he is doing the thing that seems most reasonable, most just. If he did not feel that it truly was going to resolve an experience of conflict, he would not do it. He would do something else that he truly believed would solve the problem.
In times of great poverty, like the Depression, or during the period in Europe when the Black Plague was rampant, stealing appeared to be the only way to survive, in order to be able to improve one’s lot or condition. An unemployed father whose child is emaciated and dying will not see the unreasonableness of stealing a loaf of bread and milking a neighbor’s cow behind the barn to moisten the bread to feed that child. It will not seem unreasonable to him to hit someone over the head, who is well dressed and obviously not in lack in order to get a dollar to buy a loaf of bread to feed his dying child.
What I am trying to say is, that no one does anything, no matter how negative, if that doesn’t appear to be an act, which will save him, or that will resolve a great need. Now, what I am saying is not that murder or theft is okay. What I am saying is that what needs to be addressed is the ignorance, so that another step may be taken to meet the need.
If there is not compassion and understanding of the dilemma, if there is not compassion and love for the man or woman (caught in that dilemma) who is doing the only thing he or she can see to do to resolve the dilemma, then the one who is unable to give that love and contribute to the resolution of the ignorance, will make a judgment on that person for the behavior, and will continue to reinforce the sense of guilt and worthlessness that caused the thief or murderer to be unable to see any other alternative.
Anyone who is suffering from ignorance deserves to be inspired out of it, not judged for it and condemned. I do not judge and condemn you for anything you have ever done. That wouldn’t solve anything. But, it would keep you bound to that ignorance. So, it is my task to inspire you to a more illumined Self-awareness. It is my task to encourage you to release the judgment upon yourself. It is only in this way that the presence of the Father in you can begin to be felt as Your Worth.
It is only in this way that you can begin to truly love Yourself—and as you do, your behavior will begin to change. You will have more patience with yourself because you are not so ready to “jump down your throat” for every little thing. As a result, you will be more relaxed. You will make fewer mistakes. There will be less and less reason, less and less occasion for “jumping down your throat,” and you will feel better about that. That will increase the sense of peace and joy and Self-appreciation in you. It becomes like a dog chasing its tail in a positive way.
As you feel better about yourself, as there is more and more self- appreciation, there is better behavior, and there is more inspiration, and more illumination of your joy, more of the experience of this divinity that I am telling you is there in you fully at this moment. You must arrive at a point where you no longer insist upon judging yourself negatively, where you begin to judge yourself divinely. Please think about this.
It is obvious that the ignorant behavior must change. Rape, murder, stealing, all negative behaviors, must give place to the clear expression of love and harmony. But, it isn’t going to happen until there is a willingness to de-energize the self-criticism and energize Self-appreciation on the basis that your divine Reality is totally present to be claimed, owned, and experienced. Thus, your actions may arise out of the Wisdom that is naturally yours, rather than the ignorance, which, we could say, “has been foisted upon you by society,” and which you have been willing to believe.
QUESTION: I want to finish up some of my concerns about my neighbors and their “nasty” hedge. They never responded to my offering to pay to have it trimmed. What you have had to say in the past has been helpful. It’s just that I still have the idea that the hurt that they’re doing is intentional. I realize that when I say it’s “intentional” it’s because they know that they’re hurting me, and they continue to do it. It’s almost like a power thing. I’m hurting because I realize that people who hurt other people very often do not experience the consequences of their own actions.
RAJ: They may not be suffering in terms of focused penalties, but they are constantly ignorant of the joy and fullness of life that is available to them. There is going to come a time when they will have to move beyond that limited experience. But, I can guarantee you that as long as ignorance is being indulged in, either consciously or unconsciously, there is a limitation of the fullness of Being.
QUESTION: I’ve been struggling with my own anger about this hedge. I realize that something is happening in me—that I have reached a point in my life where I can’t tolerate abuse any more, and somehow the hedge is starting to represent for me a whole lot of unhealed abuses.
RAJ: You do intellectually, at least, understand that to the degree that you are harboring anger, you are limiting your experience of your Peace. It costs you something! The fact that you are hurting from it literally means that you are at a point of being able to move beyond it—unlike your neighbors. Their ignorance of their ignorance is not being felt at this point.
When one’s ignorance is being felt, it means that he or she has come to the boundary or limit of the ignorance, on the other side of which is the experience of enlightenment and freedom from the bondage that their ignorance constitutes. It is, indeed, time for you to release this garbage, which at one point did not feel like garbage and did not make you uncomfortable.
What I am trying to point out is that the fact that you are uncomfortable means that you are at the edge, or at the limit, of that experience; that you are not actually at a valid boundary, but that you are at a boundary, which it is your birthright to move through and beyond, so that you are forever released from that limitation.
What this means is that you are going to have to begin to value your Peace so that you give your energy to It, rather than this limit, or boundary, which seems to be causing the hurt.
There is much talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness really means the release of criticism, the release of judgment. Now, it does not matter what happens to the person or thing that was being judged. What matters is, that in your release of the ego’s structures of judgment, you put yourself in the position of experiencing the Peace, which is the Nature of your Being. And your Peace constitutes the clearer experience of the Integrity of your Being.
This is sometimes difficult to see as being valid, because the ego is so capable of justifying its structures of judgment and justice. However, when one is caught in that ego structure, one overlooks totally the fact that oneself is being deprived of his Peace. The attention is being given to the object of judgment. It must become very clear to you that no matter what you are looking at through the ego’s lenses, it will always be conflicted.
You, yourself, have two vantage points within yourself from which to experience your world. Those are through the lens of the ego or through the perspective of your Being. One is conflicted. One is, itself, Peace. One is anxious. One is joyful. And which stance, which vantage point you are going to take, is a matter of choice. That means that the solution is ultimately simple. Are you going to choose for your Peace? Are you going to choose for the experience of your Integrity? Or are you going to choose for an experience that seems to tear you apart into bits and pieces and leaves you feeling isolated and unloved?
In order to choose for your Peace, you are going to have to let go of the “justice,” which your ego is calling for.
Another point that is extremely important for you to understand is that the ego’s vantage point is what is abusive to your experience of your life. But, as always, the ego projects and claims that the abuse is “out there” somewhere, so that you are distracted from the true culprit, which is the ego, itself.
When you opt for the Peace of your Being, you move out of the frame of reference in which you can be subject to abuse. You cannot avoid abuse by doing something to the abusers. You can only do something to the abuse by moving out of the frame of reference in which it is an essential element. So, forgiveness is the willingness to release the judgment and the demand for justice, and choosing to do whatever you have to do to be centered in your Peace. Upon doing that, you will find yourself no longer confronted with abuse. That is the only way to resolve abuse. The answer is ultimately simple.
Again, it needs to be clear that the abuser is not “out there,” but is the ego sense, itself, which would preoccupy you from being centered, from being in your Peace, which is the very Nature of your Being. Everything else that follows the taking of the ego’s viewpoint is so much nonsense, but which the ego makes seem very intelligent and reasonable.
QUESTION: I think that this is something that has always bothered me. I agree with what you say. What I’m trying to fit into this is the psychological healing process that takes place, where I really believe that the pain and the hurt has to be acknowledged and grieved through in order to get to that forgiving place. That’s sort of where I am right now. I don’t want to be a phony peaceful person. I want to be an authentic one.
RAJ: Your point is well taken. What needs to be known is that as you make the decision to be as centered as possible, when you value your Peace more than you value your anger, you could say that you evoke the deeper perceptions of your Being. Or you could say that you allow yourself into the deeper levels of your Being, This means that you are making an inner shift of movement into the clearer experience of the cohesiveness, the integrity, of your Being. In other words, it truly is a wholizing, process. This could not truly be wholizing if it did not uncover “garbage” that has been held, so that it can consciously be released, or forgiven.
Remember that I am defining “forgiveness” as the release of judgment—the unconflicting of yourself.
Now, not every single abuse needs to be looked at in order for it to be discarded. Some of the unwillingnesses to forgive or release will be released spontaneously simply by the decision on your part to be at peace. Some of them will not. Those that will not be spontaneously released will come to the conscious level of your awareness so they can be seen and then released. But, I want you to understand that the Nature of your Being is a Oneness, not a division. The ego is what is divisive and seems to separate you into bits and pieces.
It is easy to imagine that as the Oneness of your Being becomes the clearer experience that you are having, the little odds and ends, the little bits and pieces, will obviously be brought to the surface—you might say, forced out of the Oneness, because as long as they are there, they constitute “holes” in the Oneness. So, as you are consciously desiring your Peace more than you are desiring “justice,” you cause the movement of those particles, those bits and pieces, which will bring them to the surface so that they may be clearly seen for their ridiculousness and released.
The key to this movement of purging truly is your desire to experience the Peace and Integrity of your Being. That truly constitutes Self-love. Self-love, you could say, is forgiveness also, because it means that you are more interested in appreciating Yourself than in judging yourself. It is because Love is the Principle of this movement that you can count on it that whatever doesn’t align with your true Nature will be forced out.
What I am really trying to emphasize here is that you do not have to go on an internal witch-hunt and ferret out every little fragmented fear and anger and hatred and judgment. If you will simply align yourself, by means of your desire, with your Peace, the spontaneous result will be a purging. Those things that it is necessary for you to look at will be there for you to look at, so that they may be consciously released.
QUESTION: Isn’t that what is already happening? It’s like I’m at a point of hitting my head up against a brick wall, and yet I feel that there is a healing process going on—facing what some of the realities have been and grieving them and moving through it.
RAJ: That is correct. However, I want you to understand that pain is not an essential part of growth. It is very often contributive to growth. But it is not essential. You do not have to anticipate that the only way you can deal with the release of judgment is pain. That is not correct.
What I also want to pinpoint clearly is that this whole process that you are talking about, this whole purging process that is already happening, does constitute your moving through and beyond some very significant ego structures that deal with judgment, that have bound you to an ongoing feeling of abuse. It is going to pinpoint more clearly than ever for you that it is never anything “out there,” which is doing the abusing, but that it is the ego’s frame of reference, itself; that it is the vantage point of the ego that is the abuser.
QUESTION: But the reality is that people do get abused. They get raped. There is genuine abuse in the world.
RAJ: the reality is that one who is not coming from the ago level is not raped, is not damaged, is not robbed, because he is nondefensive. When one is centered, one experiences the Integrity of Life, Itself. His spontaneous feeling, we will say, is appreciation of all life. It is unconditional love. Therefore, there is no ego present to join with and strengthen another apparent ego “out there.” Thus, there can be no collaboration of conflict.
I have just stated a universal law of Being. There is never an “innocent victim.” The victim and the victimizer collaborate together at the level of the ego. They strengthen each other. The victim strengthens the victimizer by his fear—by his “hostility,” you might say—because he sees his world as hostile, and therefore approaches it defensively. This evokes the ego in those around him, and the collaboration begins, and the two do their “dance,” and, voila! Abuse.
QUESTION: I guess this is touching on a sore nerve for me, because I really think there are innocent victims. I mean, I think if somebody is enlightened—a lama might not have the same response as somebody else. But, I think that on this everyday plane there is a great deal of suffering. It sounds like what you are talking about is something very transcendent.
RAJ: That is what keeps you bound to the abuse. This is what keeps anyone bound to the abuse, because he does not realize that the universal Reality of Being applies to the present, applies absolutely to where you are when you speak of “this plane.”
The Reality wherein the lion will lie down with the lamb is not off in the future. The potential exists right now, right where you are, because if this plane, as you put it, is not embraced in the Wholeness of Being, then there is a spot where infinity is absent. There is a spot where Reality doesn’t exist.
Now, review the statements just prior to when I said this is a universal law of Being. It applies right where you are. And, again, the way to experience that law in effect is by making the choice between the only two stances available to you—the ego stance or the perspective of your Being. The ego makes it much more complicated than that by directing your attention away from those two choices to the complexity of your world and the thousands of egos, which cannot agree with each other and are, in one form or another, in a state of conflict.
Now, unconditional love is available to you from the level of your Being. One who is truly coming from a level of unconditional love, if he is confronted by someone seeing himself as an ego who is abusive, and even enjoys being abusive, will find that his capacity to love unconditionally will have a transformational effect because there is absolutely no joining with that ego sense, and thereby no strengthening of it. And, the abuser will either find himself feeling so uncomfortable that he will not stay around this Presence, or the divine Individuality underlying that ego sense will step forth to a degree that will change the circumstance from one of victimization to one, let us say, of an encounter with no violence.
QUESTION: Somehow I feel that if I knew what made this person (the owner of the hedge) like she is, I might be more compassionate. But all I see is someone who is apparently successful who is very defensive and does hurtful things.
RAJ: You have just illustrated how the ego works. The ego will always pull your attention away from you to another. It will call for you to “understand” what is going on, et cetera, when the essential and only step that needs to be taken is for you to desire to experience your integrated Peace. You must remind yourself often, there are only two places, or choices, and then make the choice. Everything else is a distraction, no matter how valid the distraction seems to be.
The ego is vastly experienced at justifying its position, and you are not going to be able to intelligently argue with it, because it knows how to defend its idiocy with great logic. You have two choices. One is futile. The other is invariably successful. The choice for the ego will never resolve abuse, because it is an abused and abusing state of mind. Your centered Peace, your divinity, is absolutely always successful. So, understand that you are not going to be able to successfully reason this out from the ego’s point of view and arrive at a point where you are disabused, because until you forsake the ego’s frame of reference, you are in an abused and abusing dynamic, and everything about it hooks you so that you will stay there and not become free of it.
The ego is like a drug that calls for more of itself, and more, and more, and more. And, it promises something it cannot deliver. It promises satisfaction. It promises that you will come to a point of peace. But, peace is inconsistent with the ego, and therefore it will never deliver.
QUESTION: I would like to hear what you have to say about feeling fulfillment to such a degree that there seems to be little interest in any further life experience here and yearning to go on.
RAJ: There is much said about releasing attachment to the world, especially in the Eastern religions. There is much value in that idea because attachment is a thing of the ego, and it arises out of the very strong sense of incompleteness and the frustration that follows that sense. Thus, the ego is constantly having to capture the territory it would possess, and hold onto it. Yet, having it does not change the fact that the ego sense, itself, is a sense of incompleteness, and for that reason the possession of territory is not fulfilling. So, it must grasp for more.
You must be careful, because as you make the shift from the ego frame of reference to the level of your Being, there will be, out of habit, a tendency to think about the new territory in the old ego terms. What you want is Peace. What you want is to no longer be experiencing the feeling of incompleteness and need. What you want is not greater excitement, even though, from the ego standpoint, that seems quite reasonable.
When you manage to become more consistently centered, more consistently in touch with your Being, and you are experiencing the Peace that is inherent in your Being, which has never gone anywhere—even when you have been out of peace—life will not become dull or monotonous, but increasingly more interesting and dynamic.
The artistry that you will notice around the way in which your Being is unfolding Its fulfillment right here will be an incredible source of joy and wonder. It is rather like light signals turning green, allowing you to get to your destination without stopping and starting, stopping and starting, stopping and starting; or finding that without any personal effort on your part, everything falls together in such an orderly way, and in such a complex way, that it is sheer beauty to observe it.
What will please you will change, but the experience of pleasure will not. In fact, the pleasure and the aliveness to life will be increased a hundred-fold—and I mean life right here, with trees, and oceans, and means of transportation, et cetera. It is all God. It is all some aspect of the infinitude of your Being. None of it is going on the way the ego sees it. There is nothing boring about experiencing the beauty of a California redwood tree in its body of Light. That does not mean that it will not have texture and color, but it will not have what you call “material accompaniments.” It will not have the capacity to die, or be blighted, or fall on someone and kill him, and it will be a communication of Love.
No, there will be no desire to go someplace else, because where you are is already so marvelous in its reality.
Printed in U.S.A. Copyright © 1984, 85, 86 by Paul Tuttle. All rights reserved.