VOL. 3, NO. 10



QUESTION: I am experiencing a great deal of anger and frustration that I'm having to live with on a day-to-day basis. A lot of it has to do with my step-son and my inability to handle him. He is sarcastic to me, he hangs up the phone on me, he has no respect for what I own. I try to be a dad to him, but he doesn't seem to appreciate anything I do for him. Dealing with him is one issue, but my own personal level of anger is another issue. It wells up inside of me and overshadows other aspects of my being.


RAJ: As you are well aware, the need for learning is there. But, I assure you, the learning will be effected by patient persistence. Or, let us say, persistence, whether it is patient or not. There will be less wear and tear on you if you will develop more patience, or at least recognize that the learning will not be accomplished overnight. Yet the learning is needed, and therefore the education must be given, and it is inappropriate for the one capable of giving the education to withdraw because the learning is slow. It will come like a drip of water falling on a rock that slowly but inexorably wears away the apparent structural integrity and strength of the rock.


It is also extremely important for you to understand that this behavior has nothing to do with your not being his biological father. It is not because you did not father him and you cannot assume that it would be different if you had. That assumption puts unfair stress upon both you and him. It is something that is not true, but which is felt to be true, and causes the situation to seem unfairly stacked against you. Yet, the whole thing is an illusion. The whole concept is false. If you will understand this, you will be able to release some of the frustration at the situation, itself.


I want you to understand that those who are teenagers at this time significantly feel a necessity to "grow up" to a degree that far exceeds what either you or Paul or your wife, or anyone of your generation felt when you were teenagers.


There is an urgency that is felt, and yet there is not the right given or the experience present to allow for that "claiming of independence" to be able to occur smoothly. So, a great deal of what you find yourself confronted with isn't personal at all, but is the best way in which your step-son is able to cope with the inconsistency of the urgency he feels and the fact that society does not allow him, and his experience does not allow him, to exercise that independence and the control that he feels he needs to have.


There is a reason for this urgency, and it does have to do with the shift in consciousness that is going on. This means, then, that what he is feeling the need of must not be withheld from him simply because the way in which he awkwardly expresses his need is impolite or not expressed in a kindly way. He is experiencing a frustration also, and the need for encouragement, support, and ongoing love is even more needed than it was in the quieter times that you grew up in.


He is not living in a time when being a child is easy, and he finds himself confronted with the same kinds of dynamics that you, your wife, and all of your peers are experiencing in one way or another. He deserves the inspiration to move through his frustration, just as much as you do, and everyone else who is moving through this shift.


You are having difficulty because you are drawing from your experience as a child of his age, and what you very clearly knew to be appropriate and inappropriate, acceptable and unacceptable. But, the times are different, and the demands on the youth of today are different because the shift is happening whether they have matured into adulthood or not.


Now, the fact is that the majority of the youth today also have not as significantly forgotten who they divinely Are as those did in your day as youths. But, nevertheless, this awkwardness, this frustration that the youth of today are feeling, require faithfulness in the same way that I am faithful to you, and your Guide is faithful to you in spite of your being put up against the breaking of old concepts that leave you feeling insecure.


It is your task to be willing to be the presence of that which heals, even if that healing presence is not received and incorporated immediately. The only reason it isn't received and incorporated is because of fear, but that is never a justification for withdrawing the encouragement and the love. It is, rather, an indication of the greater need for it.


The simple fact is that as this shift occurs, it is those who are able to insist upon being in that Place where the inspiration can come forth, who will facilitate the more graceful move through this shift. There will be a greater need for the living of Love, because there will be greater fear for those who are identifying with the ego.


I encourage you to give some thought to this, and realize that your step-son is just as important as anyone who might be touched by the New Age endeavors you publicly engage in. Everyone needs to be confronted with the Christ love. What that means, at the bottom line, is that there are going to be those who are going to be put up against the demand to be that Christ love when their ego says that it is best for them to retaliate.


So, it is a learning experience for both of you. It is one that will serve you well in learning to work with your fellow man, who does not live in your immediate residence. It will also help you to be able to encourage others to dare to love when their ego is saying, "attack!"


This is not an easy lesson. But, what it uncovers is the reluctance on your part to dare to be the Christ unconditionally. When you can clearly see that that is what you are doing, it is easier for you to see that it is not going to fulfill your "purpose for being" to cooperate with the ego suggestion that it is not reasonable to be the Christ under these circumstances.


One is not aware of the resistance he or she has to being the presence of unconditional love until the demand is made for it that pushes him beyond his limit. Then he sees that, indeed, his willingness was not total. He thereby sees the degree to which the ego is still governing. At the bottom line, though, that simply means that he has come up against another boundary to break and a greater freedom to experience.


Just how completely are you willing to be the Christ that you Are? That is the question! What everyone is unaware of, for the most part, is that there truly is a resistance ingrained in them to being the Christ. As long as that resistance remains covered up, untested, not illuminated, then one is bound by chains he doesn't even know exist, and he is able to go through his life thinking that it is his greatest desire to be what he divinely Is.


Your desire, together with the shift that is occurring, is bringing you to the point where you are able to see the resistance. And it is a point where you have the opportunity to decide to move through that resistance and not set any limit whatsoever to your willingness to be the presence of that which inspires and lifts one out of his or her sense of limitation—limited humanhood—into a clearer awareness of his or her divine stature.


I am not saying that this is easy. There is a great deal of fear around "being divine." But, in being able to see exactly what the problem is, it becomes easier to intelligently choose not to honor that fear and reluctance, and to dare to move into that greater area of freedom that truly contributes to a healed world.


QUESTION: I appreciate the answer, but at what point do I draw the line? I can't let this kid walk all over me. I'm not looking for a rose garden, but I'm not a masochist, either. One of these times he is going to become so obstinate with me that he's going to take a swing at me. What do I do if that happens? He's just a big, arrogant, teenage kid who has no respect for his mother or me unless we constantly gratify his every whim. Even Jesus, himself, got teed off one day and went into the temple with a whip and cleaned the place out. What do you have to say about that?


RAJ: He had no whip in his hand, but he did, indeed, overturn the tables. He did, for lack of better words, make a scene, and his point was heard and felt. But, he did not have a whip, and injured no man.


QUESTION: Did he get angry?


RAJ: The best way I can explain it clearly is that he was completely intolerant of the disrespect, and expressed that intolerance in the most appropriate way. But it was not accompanied with an emotional loss of control, or what you would call anger. It was a sense of authority, which was unchallengeable. In other words, he was not subject to the belief that the truth that he knew was challengeable. So, there was no feeling of vulnerability associated with his actions.


Now, I encourage you, right now, and not when the occasion arises, to decide most definitely what your response is going to be if you are challenged physically. And, I encourage you to ingrain in yourself a refusal to strike him. What you can do is to simply physically gain control over him and either eject him from the house firmly, but not meanly, or place him where you want him in the house. In other words, the only physical act that you should allow yourself to exercise is one of restraint, and you ARE able to do that, even if you suffer a direct blow from him because you are not expecting it.


Let it be very clear in your own mind—not because I am saying it, but because you have come to the conclusion yourself—that a blow to him is not what you are ever going to do.


Now, you are not there to be his doormat. But, it is important for you not to be so ultra-reactive that you see yourself as a doormat when that is not what is actually happening!


I mentioned earlier that there are things that he needs to learn, and you are aware of the things that he needs to learn. So, you are going to continue to be intelligent, and you are going to present those things, and you are going to provide explanations that give perspective. Whether or not they are received consciously, the need is for you not to withdraw from giving the explanations, from giving the perspective, and also stating the law, or the order of your home.


The point is that you are not to indulge in self-righteous indignation when it is not heard. And five hundred more drops of water have to persistently fall on the rock in order for a slight dent to be made. It is imperative that you do not give up on him, just as it is imperative that I do not give up on you. If I do, you will feel significantly abandoned. Likewise, he will also, when he, himself, is not entirely responsible for the fact that he is feeling the pressure to wake up, which he doesn't even grasp the meaning of!


So, just as I am willing and happy to tell you something as often as you need to hear it in order for it to finally "click," let there be that same willingness with you. It is not unreasonable. It is what is required.



QUESTION: My question has to do with a book called New Teachings for an Awakening Humanity. What I got out of it was a different sense than I've gotten out of A Course in Miracles, and You Are The Answer, and The Starseed Transmissions. I know you have said in the past that many of these things are simply a catalyst. You have said that life is not a test. I have been told that God is not fear, but love. Yet there seems to be a great deal of fear in there. Is this a bona fide book?


RAJ: It most certainly is. I want you to understand something: Whether it is the Course, whether it is You Are The Answer, whether it is New Teachings, in all cases these writings are accommodations to the prevalent ego sense. In other words, none of them, in themselves, are absolute, because in order to address a limited frame of reference, limited terms must be used, else it would all be nonsense. But, in the appropriate use of those limited terms, the triggering of the Knowing that has always been present in each Individuality can occur.


Even the concept of waking up, of becoming totally enlightened, is not in any way a valid concept or idea, because each one of you is already the Christ consciousness. Each one of you is, right now, all that you have ever been—the direct and full expression or Presence of the Father. Christs do not need to "wake up." The Christ consciousness is the infinite divine Mind experiencing Itself Totally. So, there is no way to address what I will call "sleeping Christs," other than in contradictory and nonsensical words.


As long as one is sleeping, one must say, "Wake up. Wake up out of your dream of yourself so that you may experience your Self as You Are." You see, once you are in full command of your Mind, once you are awake consciously, you will find the Course, and you will find these other books, as also having been a part of the dream. They will not hold meaning any further—once you are awake—because you will see that you never were what you were dreaming you were.


Some levels of ego perception need fires to be built under derrieres. They need motivation. And what motivates one level does not motivate another. So, what you perceive to be the presence of a "testing situation," and the presence of "fear," is really just a means of causing some levels of ego perception to become alert, to take waking up seriously, because the simple expression of Truth and the simple expression of Love doesn't do it, due to the density of the ego structures.


Each one must ask himself what nourishes and best promotes his growth. And if Teachings for an Awakening Humanity does not do that, then give the book to a friend and find the book or the teaching or the inner process that does nourish your growth. Every single level of ego awareness will be reached, and every one will wake up to discover that he never was anything other than the perfect, beloved Son or Daughter of God—the pure Self-expression of the Father.


Do not take any of the books as Gospel—as though, in themselves, those particular words and those particular concepts are "the Way" to follow and study. They are means to an end, and there is no way for them to clearly state the end, because they are addressing those who insist that it is impossible for them to be What They Are. The discrepancy between What They Are and what they think they are is so great, that to talk about the end in the end's terms would be meaningless—a foreign language, if you will—that wouldn't serve to do anything but further establish the sense of difference and separation and lostness.


Our conversation at this moment is an accommodation to your present level of discernment, with the one specific goal of moving you out of it. To the degree that it is an accommodation, the recordable events that are transpiring during this conversation are illusory.


If waking up is a nonsensical concept to one who is already Awakened, then in so many words what is transpiring here will be part of what you will discover never happened. What is happening that you cannot conceive the true meaning of, is that the dream is being pierced and Light is being shed upon your awareness of Who You Are. As a result, there is transformation.


When we talk, it is the equivalent of my shaking your shoulder as you slumber, which you immediately translate into terms of your dream. In your illusory state, you experience somebody getting your attention, but getting it in the context of the dream. Nevertheless, if I shake your shoulder long enough, it will cause you to withdraw from the dream and actually wake up to your full awareness of yourself in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven, where you have been all along as Who You Really Are and really have been all along.


So, pay attention to whatever pushes you beyond your sense of limitation, beyond your boundaries of possibility, and value it. Move beyond and through, even though it shakes you up and shakes you out of the mesmerism of the illusion.


Value what pushes you beyond your limits, and do not devalue or put down that which doesn't. Understand that there isn't a single thing going on that is not contributing to this awakening process for someone, somewhere.


QUESTION: Along the same line, can I gather from that then, that the way I go about studying A Course In Miracles is the most appropriate way for me to study it? The Course is not the kind of thing which has "end of the chapter tests" so you can tell whether you're learning the material or not. So, is it best to just do the Course as you feel moved to do it and not worry about your success or lack of success?


RAJ: You will do it whatever way you will do it. You won't do something that isn't meaningful. Even if you hold yourself to doing it in a certain way, although you do not understand the reason for doing it that way, at the bottom line you find meaning doing it "ignorantly." So, you will do it in the way that is meaningful for you.


Where do you think you are going to get the perspective to judge whether you are doing well or not? To fret about that is unintelligent, because you do not have the perspective to make the judgment. So, you see, that means study it, work with it in whatever way is meaningful to you, and forget about trying to ascertain how well or poorly you are doing.


There is something in you, irrespective of the Course that wants to wake up. That is why you have picked up the book. That is why you have come here today. That is why you pick up other books—all because something in you is moving you. There isn't something moving in you because of the books! So, you see, the Light is in you, and the Light in you that is moving in you is illuminating those things that support and promote your further clarification. Nothing is coming to you from outside your Self.


So, you read the Course in whatever way comes to you to read it, for whatever reason! You will reach for what is coming to you because you are to meet your Self, and your Self is coming forward. Whatever illuminates that fact is to your benefit, in whatever way it occurs.


The Course is a required course, as you have read. Why? Because God said so? No. Because you are waking up! And whatever identifies that Awakening is going to be in your experience. The Truth will be a required perception, because if one is waking up, it is inevitable for Truth to replace illusion. The Course is not some spiritual "trip" that has been laid on you. It has manifested in this form because you and others are waking up! You see, as the clarification occurs, it is manifest in your experience.


Ramtha sends "runners." Is it that Ramtha is a god with power to cause and create "runners"? Or, is it because Ramtha is observing the dynamic of learning that the Individuality is already going through and is simply bringing their attention to an event of awakening that is already in the process of surfacing?


The "runners" come because they're on the way, and they're on the way because the individual is waking up! The Course is here because awakening is occurring, and it supports and substantiates it. It is required because it is what is happening. And what is happening is the clearer experience of what is Real, the clearer experience of Truth.


Your very Reality/Actuality is what is responsible for what comes into your experience. Enjoy and value what comes into your experience in whatever way feels right. If you never read the Course from cover to cover, but occasionally open it to some random page, with an expectation that what you will read will relate directly to your need at that moment, then do that! And do not wonder whether you are misusing it because you are not going through the Workbook one lesson at a time, one day at a time, as it is firmly suggested.


You must understand that all of these things are here to serve you. You are not here to serve them. And it is most important for the Course not to become institutionalized, dogmatized, and turned into a religion, which you then serve by gathering the "correct interpretation" and never straying from it with one bit of freshness, with one bit of the living Christ.


It is the emergence of your Christ-hood that is eliciting in your experience Its substantiation and Its support, and the proof to you of the absolute Oneness between yourself and your world.



QUESTION: A book describing the Kahuna thought system was shown to me, which traces the Kahuna source to ancient Egypt. Do you have any comment on it?


RAJ: Let me put it this way: The Kahuna thought system is helpful, but I want to remind you that "thought systems," themselves, are not the ultimate answer. The only thought systems that are worth their salt are the ones that clearly point you in the direction of getting beyond thought—that encourage and promote your willingness to become still so that you may access your Knowing, which has nothing to do with "thought systems."


I encourage you to keep this in mind about the Course as well. The intent of the Course is to move each one beyond his or her thoughts, concepts, and thought systems, so that one may be open to the Knowing that will be supplied by the Holy Spirit.


If one is not careful in the presentation of the Course, it will be appropriated by egos as just another "method," as "a thought system" that is better than any other thought system. Yet, what needs to be the focus is not the thought system, but each one's individual accessing of his greater capacity to be aware, which is functioning beyond his present belief systems, thought systems, concepts, conditioning, et cetera.


If one could wake up by means of a thought system, then the Holy Spirit would be unnecessary.


Thought systems are what you could call "the chicken scratches" that are left in the sand as the chicken goes about its business of living. The chicken scratches don't necessarily convey that the chicken was hungry and going around in circles, apparently directionless, because there was a lot of corn on the ground in that area at that time and there was specific intent involved as the chicken moved from kernel to kernel and filled itself and went on its way feeling fulfilled and satisfied.


In each case, what you understand to be "holy works"—holy books—represent a time in which revelation was occurring. And the revelation is always occurring in the language of the present discernment of the one experiencing it. And it becomes written down, and the writing becomes the evidence of the human and divine coincidence, the inseparable oneness of the human and the divine. It, itself, is the evidence of it. Yet, the holy books end up being perceived and used by the ego as a means of achieving a divinity that the existence of the work already has established the reality of.


People study the words instead of opening themselves up to the experience that allowed that coincidence to be manifest and come forth as that holy book. So, when you read the Kahuna thought system, or the Monroe thought system, or the Course, do not lose sight of what they are illustrating. And let them serve as inspiration to you to get in touch with your greater capacity to be aware, to experience the presence of the Holy Spirit as That which meets your need, so that your life begins to express this human and divine coincidence.


The very last lesson in the Workbook is the lesson in which you give your attention to your Guide—and in the context of the Course that does mean the Holy Spirit. The whole Course leads to the point where you let go of your habit of valuing the ego more than you value the guidance that is available to you. And the transformational presence of the Holy Spirit to help you bridge that little gap that your ego structures seem to constitute.


Now, you can go into all of the psychological implications of the Course or any other thought system. But if you become preoccupied with an analysis of the concepts, and do not let the concepts, themselves, spur you to wake up, then there will need to be a number of books yet to come that will more pointedly spur or trigger the awakening process.


It is important for you to be clear here on this point so that you do not spend the next five years reading and studying thought systems and never get around to Listening and receiving what the Holy Spirit has for you, what your divinity has for you, in terms of moving you out of your present limited dream.



QUESTION: You have talked to me about giving up the "thrill of success" as it relates to my abundance. Whereas I used to think I had control over it, you assured me that I had absolutely no control over it, that it was my Self fulfilling itself. About this time of year I used to think that it was time to put my nose to the grindstone and go out there and whip the surface of the water to a froth, close off the year with a great roar, and look back proudly at what I had accomplished. Recognizing that that isn't the way it happens I feel a little bit like I'm adrift. I have no desire to go to work, no desire to make appointments to go to other offices. I'm sure that the appropriate thing to do is to let my Being direct me, but I'm in an area which is halfway between wanting to control it and yet not having enough faith to let go. I feel very uncomfortable to be there.


RAJ: Your ego feels very uncomfortable to be there. You are not your ego. Part of the process—and that is another of those nonsensical words—does involve observing the ego being uncomfortable without feeling any need to relieve it of its discomfort. In simply being able to notice that your ego is having a "tough time," you have actually identified yourself with your Being, and not with the ego. The ego is not able to observe itself objectively; only You are.


Now, to leave the ego basis of belief does not separate you from intelligence. It does not separate you from wisdom. And it does not separate you from the ability to be appropriately. It also doesn't cause your world to suddenly, really, become meaningless. It does not cause your work to become meaningless.


You do the things that need to be done, but you become aware that you are not doing these things compulsively, or ignorantly, like a dog chasing its tail, attempting to accomplish something it cannot accomplish, but struggling very hard to do it anyway.


So, you find yourself not feeling like going in to work, or making appointments. That is just half of the story. The other half is, "The way you used to do it."


You don't feel like going into the office the way you used to go into the office. You don't feel like making appointments the way you used to make them. If you will add the second half of the statement so that it is complete, you will find that it will cause you to be curious as to how you now want to do them. And you will not accidentally or thoughtlessly simply wipe your work and your activity off the slate as being totally invalid—somehow not relating to where you are any more.


You will ask yourself, "If I don't feel like doing these things the way I used to feel like doing them, how do I do them from my Being?" You will find that there are simply things that need to be done because it is intelligent and orderly to do them—not because you need to make a great show at the end of the year, but because it is simply intelligent not to become cluttered with unfinished business. It doesn't feel good. It deprives you of your peace.


Things will very rapidly become simple and obvious. And it will be like getting up in the morning and shaving—something which at one point was excitingly delightful to you as a teenager, and which now is just one of the things needing to be done because you feel better, because it is appropriate and fits into your activities. And you do not need a massive beard to keep your face warm against the icy blasts of winter in the Yukon.


The success will be there, minus the wear and tear of excitement on your sensibilities—on your peace. Be very alert not to classify parts of your life as being "unspiritual," and that you had better separate yourself from them and rise above them and not indulge any more in them. What you want is to bring a new perspective to what you are doing, and to do it to the best of your ability "out from your Being," and not on the old ego basis.


When what you are doing no longer fulfills Purpose at any level, you will find yourself moving on. But, the reason will be that it no longer identifies fulfillment of Purpose, and not because you have arrived at a level of spiritual discernment where you are able to separate the chaff from the wheat, the spiritual from the material.


Every single thing that is going on is going on in the Kingdom of Heaven in an absolutely divine context, no matter how the ego is discerning it—no matter how distorted the present perception of it. So, be very alert about incorporating continuing division of your world into good and bad, right and wrong, God and devil, so that in your spiritual advancement you leave behind the old material way of living, as though you are moving out of an old house that will continue to sit there in all of its "oldness"—all of its materiality.


Opposing dynamics, positive and negative poles exist only from within the ego's frame of reference. The ego divides the Kingdom of Heaven into two opposing camps. But the ego only has the Kingdom of Heaven to work with, because that is the only Reality there is. You are in the process of your awakening to find the absence of duality, the dissolving of artificial dividing lines. And the very place where there seemed to be a material activity, a mortal activity, will be apparently transformed as the scales fall from your eyes that caused it to seem to be divided and oppositional. And everything will be embraced into the Harmony of the Kingdom of Heaven—of Reality.


To become "more spiritual" means, literally, seeing less and less that can be defined as "material," as "mortal," as "illusory."



Conversations With Raj is published monthly by Kairos, Inc., P.O. Box 71280 Seattle, Washington, U.S.A. 98107. Subscription price, prepaid, one year $36.00; single copy, $4.00. © 1986 Paul Norman Tuttle. All rights reserved.