CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ
QUESTION: How can I deal with the reluctance to own my own path? What is stopping me from doing it?
ANSWER: The fundamental thing is that you do not know what it is you are trusting into, and therefore there is a fear. It is literally impossible to trust one’s Self, or to trust into one’s Self if one accepts the "self" definition as a psychological structure arising out of certain brain functions; wherein the totality of what one is, is seen as a physical organism, including all of his conscious thought processes.
You have experience with observing these kinds of processes/structures as being very often neurotic, and to trust oneself to such a process is not reassuring at all. So, we will begin today by developing a new definition or explanation of what the "self" is, so as to allow you a more positive ability to trust into it.
[A parlor game was described as follows: A sheet is given to each of two people and they are asked to put it over their head so as to completely cover them. Then they are asked to remove the thing they need the least.
Normally the individuals remove jewelry, ties, empty their pockets, etc., until it gets to be amusingly embarrassing. This continues until one of the participants realizes that the one thing he "has on" that he needs the least is the sheet, and the game ends.]
With the example of the parlor game with the sheet in mind as an example of overlooking the obvious, I want to point out that in modern scientific thought and psychological circles, consciousness, itself, is overlooked in the same way that the sheet is overlooked in the parlor game.
Consciousness is the background, the absolute fundamental of Conscious Being, or Life. It is non-dimensional, having no boundaries and therefore meets the requirement of the word "infinite." All conscious experience, three-dimensionally speaking, of persons, places, and things, together with all concepts and theories about that conscious experience, takes place within and against this background or Ground of Consciousness.
Consciousness is what constitutes the Self. It is ever present and inescapable. But, it can be overlooked, just like the sheet. When it is overlooked, the attention is drawn to the "figure," and the figure becomes the object of study, classification, and definition.
In the case of individual conscious thought—which you call "yourself," or "John," or "Paul," or anybody—when Consciousness, itself, is overlooked, the "figure," which becomes the object of study, is literally the physical body, because that is sensationally experienced most clearly as unseparated from one’s conscious experience. Whereas, if an ax strikes a tree, there is no physical sensation and one does not have a feeling of being connected to it, and therefore no sense of self-hurt. Thus, the "figure" becomes defined, intellectually understood, and by the time we are adults, we call the "figure" the "self."
The fact remains, however, that this is simply a conceptualization, a theory, which is always less than (because it is "a part of") the total conscious experience of being, which is accurately defined as Consciousness. Thus, it constitutes a partial view of what constitutes You as Conscious Being, or Consciousness.
Obviously, when there is an error in the premise, there is an error in the conclusion. And, when we define ourselves partially and govern our actions on the basis of a "definition," as though the definition were "us" we are bound to respond inappropriately to other aspects of our Self as Consciousness and run into trouble, or have problems.
This conceptual framework, which we use to identify our self erroneously, is what is appropriately called the ego, as opposed to the Self, which is this overlooked but ever present Ground of Being, Consciousness. It is the ego which psychology treats through a series of bargainings, although never succeeding in stepping outside the ego boundaries, or ego structures, because, of course, the ego will not allow for that as a part of the bargaining.
The words "boundary breaking," with which you are familiar, deal with just exactly that process of breaking out of the artificial ego structures, which have been derived from an objective study and definition of what the self is. This is accomplished by trusting one’s Self.
I am taking this time on this point, because it is essential, in order for you to be willing to trust your Self, for you to know what it is you are trusting. It should be clear that I will never suggest to you that you trust the ego structures, but am instead encouraging you to trust yourself to the Ground of Your Being.
You are very familiar with the ego structures, both as what you have called a self-experience, and also in observing those you have worked with and lived with, et cetera. And, I am going to take some time here to elucidate the nature and character of the Self as consciousness, so that you may further understand why it is safe for you to allow yourself to let go into it.
In the first place, it is nonconceptual. It has no structure of the sort you are familiar with in terms of ego structure, and so your experience of its orderliness will be different from your experience of the "orderliness" of the ego. Although it is nonconceptual, it is orderly, as I said, because it is fundamentally intelligent. Intelligence and Consciousness are inseparable.
Consciousness functions by reflection, in that it reflects upon (in the sense of a cognitive process) all there is for it to be aware of, which is Itself. In this sense it constitutes a circle, a casting back upon itself.
As you begin to break through the boundaries of the ego structures, you will find, in effect, that you are allowing yourself, as Consciousness, to reflect back upon and lean into and depend on your Self. And, this is experienced as a sense of completion, of wholeness, of Self-recognition, which is what you mean by the word "wholizing," and which, because there is no error or mistake in the premise, feels good; literally Soul-satisfying. Now, the fact is that in order for you to exist at all and seem to be fooled into accepting a partial view of your Self as an ego structure, you have had to have been constantly fulfilling this process of reflection, or you could not exist to even experience an illusion called the ego structure. It is essential to understand this, because it is the nature of the ego to tell you that you must, in order to do this kind of growing, cause yourself to become something that you aren’t already, and, in so many words, create out of nothing a whole new "self." This is, indeed, enough to scare away the sturdiest of pioneers and it is a lie.
It is essential to understand that when you are to lean into and depend on your Self, you are leaning into and depending upon Something that is already there, and already totally functioning with absolute perfection. Or, you couldn’t seem to exist as the ego structure definition, which you have accepted.
Do not be surprised to find that the ego will tell you that that is a lie, and that you are being told to lean into a bottomless chasm. That, you are being told foolishness. But, remember that it is its whole purpose to save its skin, and it doesn’t give a damn about You.
Let us discuss another aspect of this Ground of your Being which is important, and that is, that its Nature is Love...unlike the ego’s.
Love is the harmonizing Nature of your Being, of your Self. It is actually the constituting,
underlying Order of your Being. It is the reason that those who have deeper experiences of their Being, find themselves feeling safe; and this element of exquisite but substantial, immovable safety and harmony is what leaning into your Self and trusting your Self has to offer you. It has much more and many shades of meaning, but this is the aspect I want you to consider specifically and be aware of specifically as you begin this journey of Self-discovery.
Another facet of the functioning of the ego, which I will share with you, because it will trap you very easily, initially, is the fact that the ego will try to project itself upon even your boundary breaking, and cause you to attempt to categorize something which I have shared with you is nonconceptual and is not finite, thereby causing it (your Self) to appear to be still circumscribed by a boundary of some sort. It says that you are becoming acquainted with and establishing direct connection and communication with "your" infinite Self, "and I wonder when John, or Joe, or Henry is going to get in touch with ‘his’ infinite Self?"
0bviously, there cannot be more than one infinite thing. And, to the degree that you are able to successfully employ a concept of separation, of "private infinite selfhood," you manage to not allow your Self to make available to you that experience of the Oneness of Conscious Being in which communication is experienced as an infinite Self-experience. And, although that would be a progressive step, you would still have some conceptualizations to let go of.
You will not make this conscious shift instantly, so do not feel overwhelmed in the slightest by what I have shared. I have shared it so that you may have an idea of why you can begin to allow yourself to let go of some of the structures; why you can dare to allow tiny steps; why you can allow yourself to ignore the warnings of the ego as it tells you that you are losing your mind—which simply means you are losing the ego.
There is an inherent and eternal Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding to your Being, which begins to become available to you as you are willing to lean into it and not depend upon and require the intellectual thought structures, which have been developed on the basis of your being an ego structure or "figure," rather than the Ground out of which all figures come.
It is essential to understand that in shifting one’s conscious self-identification from the figure to the Ground, the figure does not get lost or become nothing. It is the improper self-identification with the "figure" that causes the fundamental error in one’s perceptions and conclusions. It is the proper identification of the Self as Ground that brings the figure into proper perspective, and in which it is always a benign expression of the Self, which You Are. This is extremely important to understand. You will give nothing up of any value!
QUESTION: This question has to do with human intelligence, dealing with creativeness. Is it learned?
ANSWER: Creative intelligence is inherent in Being, itself. It is the mode in which Being functions, and therefore every individuality reflects this inherent Nature or Function of Existence or Being.
QUESTION: Spiritual intelligence; is this gained through experience?
ANSWER: Actually, what we call spiritual understanding or comprehension is the extension of our everyday consciousness of things beyond the boundaries of our normal, everyday conscious experience. Consciousness, or Mind, is, indeed, unlimited, and Mankind utilizes only a very small portion of his Consciousness. Nevertheless, his Total Consciousness is always functioning.
The portion of Man’s consciousness of which he is unaware has been erroneously labeled the "subconscious." But, it is really that part of one’s Total Consciousness which Man is presently ignoring or not utilizing, and there truly is no actual separation of Consciousness into the conscious and subconscious.
What is called spiritual understanding or spiritual perception is simply the glimpse that Man gets of his larger Consciousness; glimpses, which Man gets of the way things are experienced from the standpoint of his larger capacity to be aware. Presently, in his partial use of his total Consciousness, he perceives everything in a partial way, not getting the full picture. As a result, there are many misunderstandings which arise as Man experiences his world every day.
Spiritual perception or understanding is usually accompanied by a healing experience of the body or the spirit. And, the reason for this is that there has been a glimpse of the everyday world from this larger view, which involves lost distortion or partiality and therefore the misunderstandings become clarified because the larger view is a more accurate view. Because such perceptions are relieving and healing it is considered a holy experience, or spiritual experience.
A clearer understanding of this can be gained by realizing that the word "holy" and the word "whole" come from the same root word. The only reason the whole view, the larger view, seems holy, as though beyond the mundane everyday world and therefore extraordinary or supernatural, is because it isn’t realized that it is simply the way we’re really supposed to be seeing everything all the time. So, it is labeled mystical, supernatural, extraordinary, when, in actuality, it is what "normal" should be.
QUESTION: Then where does one begin? With the Bible? With a different religion, or rituals? Are they necessary, or were they just designed by humans? Do we begin inwardly, with our mind, our heart, or soul?
ANSWER: It is a toss-up. It doesn’t really matter whether you start with your heart, mind, or soul, as long as you start.
If you will start with your desire, you will find it to be a most valuable vehicle to move you into the fulfillment of that desire. In spite of the way Mankind generally Sees himself—in other words, as a physical organism which is born, matures, and dies, and maybe that’s the end—it is Man’s Consciousness which constitutes his Being, and his experience of body, world, universe is embraced within the BEING of Consciousness. All life experience is embraced within the conscious experience of it. Therefore, Consciousness does not reside in a physical universe, but the experience of a physical universe resides within Consciousness. And, naturally, Consciousness does not reside in one’s head. For this reason, your most dependable source of valuable, valid
information is to be found within your Self, and not in the churches, not in any books, nowhere external to your withinness.
This does not mean that books, organizations, churches are of no value, but let them serve you in giving definition to what is unfolding from within you, rather than using them as the authority for what you should or should not believe.
To elaborate a little further on your question regarding religions, they are, indeed, fabrications of Man’s imagination and intuition, and are structures which helped him to express in more concrete terms what was unfolding to him from within him.
Unfortunately, as very often happens, when our insights or desires become objectified, we stop paying attention to that within place where they came from and begin to enjoy the objectification, whether it’s a home we’ve always wanted, or a car we’ve longed for, or some pattern of living which reflects spiritual insights. And so, having left the fountain, the source of this revelation or desire, as the case may be, in order to enjoy what has become manifest in our experience, we become bound by the "thing," and begin to dry up for lack of fresh nourishment.
So, my comments are not a put-down on organized religion, nor are they a put-down on books. But, it is most important to keep a proper perspective and to be willing to trust the information we receive from within more than we do the opinions of others, and more than we do the dictates of any particular organization or organized religion.
QUESTION: So our consciousness involves the whole body. Is it total awareness—being, as I think of it, always as a mind thing, but it’s a feeling, touch, seeing, hearing thing?
ANSWER: Consciousness constitutes the full range of Awareness. In fact, it constitutes facets of awareness of which you are not even yet aware.
It is also total, in that although your consciousness presently is like the tip of an iceberg and most of the rest of it is invisible, all of it is functioning right now and is responsible for the orderliness of the whole Universe.
Now, this requires, perhaps, a shift in your thinking, and perhaps I can best explain it this way: Universal Being, or God, if you wish, infinitely individualizes or expresses itself—or you might say identifies itself infinitely—and the result might best be illustrated by imagining a crystal "ball" with facets covering its surface. There is one ball, but many facets. If you were able to observe this crystal "ball" from its center, and could turn in all directions so that you could look at all the facets, you would find that each facet is reflecting all the other facets, but each facet reflects the others from a slightly different position. One ball, many reflections of the Totality of that ball, all from slightly different angles.
Human individuality is rather like the individual facets. Mind is rather like the total inner area of this crystal "ball." So that, in effect, each facet can say, "I am the whole ball" without truly trespassing on anybody else’s territory. And all the time it is experiencing the total ball as itself, it is at one and the same time "at one" with what the Total Crystal Ball is, which we have called Universal Being, or God.
So, Man, at his most ignorant, believes that he is simply a facet; even, perhaps, existing totally independent of another facet. But, the fact is that all of Mankind is interrelated by virtue of being facets of the one Whole, and no one is truly separate and independent, because all facets find reflection in every single facet.
Unless you have a further specific question about this, I am going to leave this illustration with you for you to have fun with. Contemplate it and see what further discoveries arise out of it as far as expanding your conceptualizations of what it’s all about, what Life is all about, what Being is all about.
QUESTION: Why is there such a pull, a distinct division of oneself? Is it man against man: his internalness against him? Or, is it man’s animal nature against him? And, through these confused feelings, is that why maybe I experience feeling alien and apart—although the last answer answered a lot of it?
ANSWER: The division, which Man feels, is this artificial separation between what is called the conscious and the subconscious. It has also been, at times, referred to as the soul and the Oversoul, which is, perhaps, not as misleading as conscious and subconscious.
So, it is this artificial separation between, we’ll say, the soul and the Oversoul, which is responsible for this feeling of separation. Man, however, not realizing this has tried to find an explanation for this feeling, based upon what he sees, hears, smells, tastes and feels—in other words, the evidence of the five physical senses. And, he looks at his fellow man, immediately sees that he is not a Siamese twin, that there is definitely space between he and the next fellow, and says, "Why, of course, I am separate. I am not that man." Or, he looks at a tree or a rock and says, "I am not that rock, and I am not that tree. I am me. I am different. I am separate."
This whole process is occurring at the level of the individual facet, the surface shape on the crystal "ball." In other words, it is literally a very shallow conceptualization of the Totality that is going on.
So, you can see that it is not man against man. Once again, the concept that Man has an animal nature has been arrived at by observing animals and noticing similarities in responses, and through the use of his imagination, Man has come up with some very strange connections which are totally invalid.
Conclusions based upon external evidence inevitably are flawed. Conclusions, which are based upon what is disclosed from the withinness of your Being, are always dependable.
The simple fact is, you do not now have, and have never had an animal nature. To rather quickly put it into perspective, your true nature, when fully perceived, is truly the Nature of God. It is when we are judging from the "outside in" that we end up with the misinterpretations I mentioned earlier.
These misinterpretations cause us to come to further false conclusions, and the whole thing becomes compounded to the point where we find ourselves extremely frustrated, because we cannot come to a point of a restful conclusion or resolution of the problem. As a result, we find ourselves behaving in very unmannerly ways, very similar to what we sometimes see animals doing, and compound the problem even further by assuming that we are in some way animal in nature—and the misinterpretation gets even more confounded.
The answer to this confusion is always to be found by beginning, somehow, to identify ourselves with the Life-Principle of Existence, no matter what words you might find comfortable using, because all life is indeed the expression of that Life-Principle. Then, by learning to go within and being willing to commune with this unlimited, unconfused part of Yourself, you will begin to find clarifying answers, just as you are right now, which will eliminate the confusion and leave you at a new and higher level of experiencing your life.
QUESTION: How do I focus in and tap that which probably lies beneath the surface? I do not know what is within myself, what powers I may utilize to get these clear answers and to grow in all those different aspects—mental, spiritual.
ANSWER: The process is really simple. Do you have any experience with meditation?
ANSWER: Then it is even simpler. The first step is to desire to be in touch with an understanding of your larger Self. Or, if you wish, you can desire to speak to your Guide, much as Paul desired to speak with me.
Before you do your meditation, express this desire mentally and clearly and simply, and feel that you mean what you are requesting. Then, use your meditation to get into that quiet Place.
If you use a mantra, then I will suggest that when you have arrived at a place in your meditation where you feel at peace, stop using the mantra and simply stay at that place of peace for a reasonable length of time. And, ever so slightly, without causing ripples to the quiet place you are in, be attentive and expectant of hearing a response.
Now, the fact is that because your Being is Total, and is single of Purpose, then your entire Being cooperates with itself entirely. And therefore, when you express a desire, which is in harmony with your Being (and certainly a desire to speak with your Guide or to be in touch with your Higher Self, is in harmony with your Being) then your Being immediately responds in cooperation with that desire, and you could say "works with you" to the end of your making the connection.
If you have specifically asked to contact your Guide, then your Guide immediately begins to specifically work with you to, figuratively speaking, clear out cobwebs and weeds and
unnecessary clutter in order to clear the way for a bond of communication to be established.
It took two weeks with Paul doing it every night and listening for half an hour each night after posing his desire.
Let your desire be expressed consistently, knowing that it isn’t just you on this side of the wall attempting to break through, but, indeed, there is help from the other side. And, indeed, the wall is going to be cooperating in getting out of the way, because all of it is some aspect of yourself.
The last point is to expect an answer. You may find it difficult to really believe that you will get an answer. Simply observe that it is difficult for you to believe it. Do not judge any thoughts that you have that might seem limiting or binding to you as if they could get in the way. Do not try to get rid of them. But, let your desire and your consistency of attempting to establish contact override these ingrained limitations, which we sometimes find we have, and success will be inevitable.
It is really as simple as that!
QUESTION: When we talked last time, we talked about my Being, and I would like some clarification about why I am on earth at this time.
ANSWER: Simply put, you are here at this time specifically to contribute insightfully to the coming shift. You have not come as an observer, but as an active participant, and this is not really news to you, although you may not yet know the specific form in which you will participate.
QUESTION: I understand what you are saying in terms of what I’m doing here. I still don’t understand "why."
ANSWER: Because we are reaching the culmination of a process of unification, a process in which the pure Oneness of Universal Being is to become consciously clear, and in which the Brotherhood of Man will become the exponential Fact, and it was your specific wish and a part of your specific Path to be a part of it. That is why.
QUESTION: When we spoke last, you said that my Beingness, put in Christian terms, would be expressed as "a Son of God," and you said first, "a Son of God," and then you corrected yourself and said, "the Son." Now, what do you mean? Are there others like me? Are there no others like me?
ANSWER: There are no others unlike you, but each one is the specific expression of all that God is. It was not intended to imply any kind of differentness or separation from your fellow man.
QUESTION: How does this relate to who I am? Sometimes I feel very distant from myself. Does that make sense?
ANSWER: Perfectly. The ego does not have you successfully blinded to your Self, which you experience at an intuitive level. There are times when you shift rather fluidly back and forth, so that the one and the other become emphasized at various times. And, when you are bouncing around on the surface of your ego orientation, your finite sense of yourself, you feel distanced from what you Really Are, which is something you are not unconscious of. It merely indicates the movement back and forth from a connected space to a disconnected space.
You can learn to utilize your sensing of this movement to help you return to a centered, connected space. You do not have to believe the sense of distance, which the ego invokes by its frame of reference. And, when you feel distanced, you can simply recognize it as an indicator of the fact that you have chosen to move into a reactionary level of consciousness. Knowing that, you can simply express consciously your preference to move back to the centered space, and choose not to participate in the attention getting reactionary level of thought.
The awareness of the "difference" can thus become a guidepost for you, a friend; or at least you can utilize what used to be a negative experience in a positive way and turn it to your advantage.
QUESTION: What do you mean by "attention getting device"?
ANSWER: I did not use the word "device." The method of the ego is to grab one’s attention through the use of conflict or potential threat, and it was in this sense that I used the words "attention getting."